Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts

Thursday, 6 April 2017

You Will be Deeply Missed [II]



Dear Alex Sim,

Today you'll bid us goodbye
Many of us will cry
Asking God why
You must say this goodbye


You've left a legacy behind
We will keep in mind
To be sincere & kind
To all mankind

You've lived a life
Impacting many lives
Your light will continue to shine
Till we say "hi" (in heaven)
弟兄,一路好走。。再见了

Thursday, 30 March 2017

You Will Be Deeply Missed [I]

I was back to office from lunch and received a call from a sister. We usually text each other and to receive a call from her on a working day was not a norm. She told me that she received a text message which informed the passing of a brother whom she knew I was quite close with.

Shocked. Numbed. I was not convinced so I asked her to forward to me the text; maybe that's because I am a word person, I have to read to be convinced.

Shortly after, another sister text me and then another...

Reality did not set in until much later. I could not focus on my work at all. The whole afternoon was trying to recollect myself and discussing with some sisters how we could help his family...

I still remember when I first knew him, he was one of the very few who made me feel welcomed.

Once we were in a gathering at a Pastor's house, and they were playing boardgames. I was standing there alone, not knowing many people & he called me to join the group. Another time I was just standing there after service and he invited me to join the rest for dinner. There was once we had a YA game session and he took good care of me, asked me to follow his car.

There were several occasions he helped me when I needed help by just a call away. In the midst of his busyness, he would spare time for his friends. Once, my Eagle could not start and I was around his housing area, so I called him for help; instead of staying in the comfort of his own home, he came to my rescue.

He gave sound advice and cared from his heart. He told me he cared about my happiness and usually many would say this but would not act on it. He was different, he actually acted on it by introducing someone to me. 

Always cheerful, always jovial, always positive....I could not understand but to ask God, why?

"Alice...Alice..."; his voice ringing in my ears :(

We last met in January at a stall nearby my office, having red wine chicken for lunch; and he bought me lunch that day because my birthday was coming soon. 

His birthday is next month and it would be my turn to buy him a meal but.... :(

We last contacted each other two days ago because I asked him something about my policy. He had always been a helpful agent and would go the extra mile to assist.

My dear brother, you will be deeply missed :(




Thursday, 9 March 2017

Hope & Reality

It is 17:41 now. In another 10 minutes, I would need to shut down. Somehow, there is a heavy feeling in me, that I feel like pouring out before I get too burdened by this feeling.

Though I am not sure what is this feeling about. I guess, it may be about someone who had entered my life recently. This person, let's call "X", has occupied a little space in my heart. 

When I hope that things would progress naturally and gradually, God may have a different plan for me. In a day, something that was hopeful had turned out to be an undesirable reality.

Why is it so?

Off and on, X would come across my mind. X may have occupied a little space in my heart, but I remember a friend had given me this wise advice: "Follow your heart, but please bring your brain with you"; hence, my mind had been analysing the whole situation from A to Z, head to toe, front to back...in short, from every possible angle.

Should I move on? Should I continue to wait?

I will not do anything until X approaches me. 

Let go, and let God do the rest!

Father Lord,

I commit this Ship unto Your hands. May You lead both of us with Your Godly wisdom and help us to discern what You have planned for us in our lives. Cover us with Your protection. Help us to forgive each other. May Your Love, Joy, Peace and Grace be with us.

In Jesus' precious name, 
Amen


Wednesday, 10 August 2016

My First Full Marathon Experience

When SCKLM opened for registration, I was contemplating whether to register for FM or 10km, as I've ran HM twice. My aim was to collect medals from all categories. When I found out that the cut off time for FM was 7 hours, I decided to give it a try & that was one of the craziest thing I've ever done...

Usually I can sleep early especially when I was tired but I couldn't sleep the night before. I went to bed at 18:40 but I think I slept at 22:++, that also, was not deep sleep. I think I was nervous & excited as it's gonna be my VFM. I don't remember having sleeping problem for Newton 30km two weeks ago, which was also my first attempt.

Having rested for about 3 hours, I got myself ready for the run. My net time should be about 4 minutes later from the gun time. Up to KM 8-9, I was able to keep up with Pacer for 06:30 hours. This was something new & I think I shouldn't have done that cuz that's much faster than my normal pace, I should have kept with my own pace, maybe I'll do better. I was able to stay in between Pacer 06:30 hours & 07:00 hours up to KM 27-28.

The crucial checkpoint was at KM 31 & I managed to reach about 8 mins before they close that checkpoint. This was when everything started to slow down 😔

The weather was scorching hot & we passed by Bukit Tunku which was quite a hilly route & although I tried to pick up when we were going downhill, I was few minutes late & therefore I was categorised as DNF.

I didn't manage to complete my VFM & will try better the next round. 37km was not easy either so I'm still proud of myself :) I didn't choose to give up but was forced to give up, & I believed that I would be able to complete the race within the cut off time, albeit a close call.

I still get the Medal & Finisher T; had I completed the race this would be my 28th medal (28 is my birthday date :) )

The Medal & Finisher T would serve as a reminder that I've come thus far in my journey as a runner (Did I just call myself a runner? 😶). I guess it took me a lot of courage to register & appear on race day & try my best to complete the course.

Ganbatte! Hope the next round I post on FM, I'll be able to officially declare that I'm a marathoner:D 
 
Runners don't give up~~
 
 
Me with the medal :)


With Wendy who came to support us & Zihao who had completed his VFM :)
 
 
 

Wednesday, 25 May 2016

The Door [II]

https://www.facebook.com/notes/alice-weng-yin-chan/the-door/10150799477055198?__mref=message_bubble

http://aliceyin.blogspot.my/2011/09/door.html

When I typed on "The Door" back in 2011, I never thought that there would be a sequel on this topic.

Have you ever experienced someone dear to you, built up a high wall, disconnecting himself or herself from you, ignoring all your efforts to stay in touch for one whole month?
Ghosting, is emotional cruelty. Yes, I agree!

I did not expect myself to knock on another door and certainly did not expect myself to share about this topic again. 

Knock Knock! Knock Knock!

After three weeks of knocking, finally there was a reply from the other side of the wall, saying,

"Leave me alone"

Perhaps the person at the other end needs some space, personal space; to think things through. Perhap, perhaps, perhaps...

I could make as many reasons as I want for the other person's behalf. By the fourth week, I am amazed by few things:

Firstly, the other person's ignorance and indifference. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

Secondly, by my own determination and perseverance.

Would you give up knocking when there is zero response from the other side?

How could a person carry on with life by hurting and sacrificing someone who deemed to be dear to him or her? In other words, at the expense of someone else's fragile heart.

Once I saw a quote that sounds like this, "it is not that one changes, just that the mask falls off". Perhaps, that is the true colour of the person at the other end.

Question to myself:

Do I still keep knocking?

Do I still care? Of course I do still care. We care even in anger.

Is it worth my time and effort to care for someone who seems so heartless?

I still want to believe that we still care for each other, that we could still sail together, but am I trying too hard?

Knock Knock! Knock Knock!

I could not even hear an echo...

When someone treats you like nobody, wake up, and do not melt for that person anymore. Olaf says, "some people are worth melting for"; I guess even if I melt myself to the last bit, that person at the other end would not be able to notice, because there is nothing left to be seen; every bit and pieces of me has melted, there is nothing to be melted anymore...

And the person at the other end, continues to be indifference and ignorant; the only difference is, Olaf is not able to feel the pain and hurt because it has melted...



Monday, 23 May 2016

Major Throwback: 14-05-2011 ~ Ta-Daa!! Here Comes the Narrator =)

Back in May 2011, I went to Bangkok with a group of friends and thanks to Facebook Memories, I was reminded of this Note that I have posted on the trip. I want to keep this precious memory, hence transferring it from FB to my personal blog.
 
As I read back this post, I see myself changed; from the way I see things, to the way I express myself. Hence, things will change, only memories remain...

It is always amazing to see how God brings (us) together; two people from different background, meet under common circumstances, and then fell in love with each other, followed by courtship and finally, plan to walk along the wonderful journey, namely marriage, hand in hand till death do (us) apart ~

In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:13 says ~
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8 ~
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

Love is wonderful, Amen :) With love, we are able to accept each other's shortcomings and with acceptance, there is sense of security. Whenever we see wonderful couples walking along the aisle, we feel touched because love has brought them together.

I am often touched by the couple's thanksgiving speech at the end of the wedding ceremony. When they thank their parents for their love, followed by their thankfulness to relatives, friends, and even acquaintances; this shows how powerful love is. With love, everything is possible.

I always find it amazing when we witness how God works in us human. At first both are imperfect, but we are made perfect in God's love; with His love and presence, both imperfect people are able to accept each other from deep inside their heart ~ what a wonderful picture.

Have you seen a couple whom you think are not a match in the eyes of people? For instance, in terms of education level, physical attractiveness, family backgrounds etc. However, love does not view these things with the human eye, especially when God's love intervenes.

I used to have a long list of requirements on my future partner, however knowing that myself is imperfect, I just have one requirement ~ a God-fearing man who is willing & able to accept my shortcomings with love ~

Oops, too much into my narration huh :p
Here comes the story:-

The GUY came with an ULTIMATE motive
The GAL came with only ONE purpose
Both came to the same destination

The GUY plans to give the GAL a BIG SURPRISE!
The GAL has some expectation from the GUY
Both have different form of expectation from this trip

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Finally the time comes ~ 10th May, which is also the GAL's birthday date
The GUY starts to execute his plan with his accomplices :p
Accomplices ~ TWO Handsome Guys & TWO Pretty Ladies :))

First, to ask the GAL to go up to a specific venue
Then to blindfold the GAL to play a game
Next the GUY asked the GAL some questions
After some Q&A sessions, the GAL was allowed to see
Oops, what did she see? & what did she hear? & what did she say?
Aha!~ The GUY's expectation was fulfilled!
Simultaneously, the GAL's expectation was also met!
Thereafter, one round of CELEBRATION & MORE SURPRISES!!! =)))

A Joyful moment filled with God's presence
A Joyful moment to be remembered by all those who are present
A Joyful moment shared by family members & friends
A Joyful moment to be passed from generation to generation

At the end of the day, love conquers all the negative feelings & with love that sparks between them, I believe they will carry on their lives hand in hand in God's love :)

10th May, 2011 at Page 10 Hotel in Pattaya, Thailand
A venue specifically chosen for this purpose
A day specifically chosen for this purpose
A purpose fulfilled for the perfect reason

Marriage, a wonderful journey awaiting this wonderful couple ~
May Lord bless them with His Love, Joy, Peace, Grace, Mercy, Blessing & Wisdom :)

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

My Name

I have always been proud of my name: Chan Weng Yin, Alice.

My surname is Chan (陈), & I am a Guangxi. My Chinese name is Weng Yin (永颖) (Mandarin: Yong Ying; Cantonese: Weng Weng), Weng (永) means "forever" & Yin (颖) means "clever/gifted". 

I thank my parents for giving me such a great and beautiful name. My English name, Alice, is not registered in my Identity Card, and is given by my brother, it means noble/truthful. 

I still love it when people call me by my Chinese name, be it in English or in Chinese.Nowadays people call me Alice more often, simply because it's easier to pronounce. 

Alice 也好, 永颖也好, Weng Yin 也好, I am still me ~ Alice Weng Yin Chan


Thursday, 3 December 2015

No One is Ever Too Busy

No matter where we are, we have the same 24 hours, the same 1,440 minutes, and the same 86,400 seconds. In this era, who is not busy? All of us are busy about something at any time.

We are busy sleeping.
We are busy eating.
We are busy working.
We are busy driving.
We are busy listening to music.
We are busy watching movie or the television.
We are busy working out.
We are busy cooking.
The list, will never end...

When someone keeps telling you that he or she is busy even though all you wanted was just to say hi and to ask "how are you", to make sure that he or she knows that you care for him or her, we should be sensitive enough to get the hint that that person will forever be "busy" and would not have the time for you.

When we care for someone who is dear to us, no matter how busy we are, we will try to squeeze in some time to check on them, just a simple "good morning" would mean that we are thinking about him or her the minute we wake up. However, what if we just get a "busy" as reply? Oh well, might as well do not reply anything. Some people can just be too busy for everything except those things that are important to them, and having said that, this clearly shows what is important to them.

I have shared before an article that the word "busy" is a killer in relationship.

What do you think?


Wednesday, 2 December 2015

It Could be the Last

As days pass, while you are counting down your days to travel to overseas for your studies, maybe excitedly; I am counting down too, just sadly.

It could be the last time we celebrate our annniversary;
It could be the last time we celebrate thanksgiving together;
It could be the last time we celebrate Christmas;
It could be the last time we celebrate New Year;
It could be the last time we celebrate my birthday;
It could be the last time we celebrate Chinese New Year;
It could be the last time we celebrate Valentine's;
It could be the last time for many things...

That aside, perhaps it is only me who wanted to celebrate all of the above together with you. Elephy said it takes two to clap, I am not sure what it means, but I think it would mean that you must have the same desire too.

You did not visit baggies the past few weeks and I miss you. I wonder what are you doing outside. Are you busy making preparations for your trip? After all, surely there would be much to prepare. I suppose you are stressed out because you need to complete a lot of things before you move away from home.

I have been quiet too, going through all the emotions inside me. I have mixed feelings, but then again, what can I do? It is a fact and truth that you will be away for a period of time. This will not change. On the contrary, my relationship with you will change.

Elephy also said, the more one spends time together with the other, the more attached they are. Sigh, we have not been spending time together lately, does it mean that you are less attached to me?

Does it even matter for me to care so much, because I do not feel that you care as much as I do. It is a restless wait. I am tired, physically and emotionally.

Perhaps, humans are like that. They are different from us. We are bags, and we just have one owner, so we are emotionally attached to our owner; whereas our owner is different, Pinky has  friends, relatives, gadgets, and of course, many other bags.

Would we have the opportunity to spend time together, at least once, before you move away? Again, does it matter? After all, while I am expressing myself at this moment, I am already buried deep inside the box, and to take me out, would be a tedious task as Pinky has to remove all other boxes above me.

Sigh...Sigh...Sigh...

Perhaps, we would not even have our last...


Friday, 27 November 2015

A Letter to Pinky [I]

Dear Pinky,

Hope this finds you well.

You will be entering university soon and will be going overseas to continue your studies. I know that you would leave me behind, as you cannot bring too many things over, it will just add weight to your luggage. It is sad to know that you will leave me behind, especially after what we had been through.

A few years later when you come back, would you still remember me? Once, I was your favourite bag, but sooner or later, I will be buried deep inside your big pile of bags. What would happen to me? The thought of it scares me. I hate to be buried, hate to be forgotten, hate to be kept inside a so-called special box, forever.

Do you remember your promise to me? That you would keep me in your heart forever, that you would take care of me forever, that you would want me, that I am important to you, that I matter to you, that if one day you decided to throw me away, you would do it gently and tell me face to face.

I know each time you enter the baggies I will keep bugging you to bring me out, to spend time with me, to hold me; maybe I have been too pushy, hence you felt irritated and annoyed. Pinky, do you know how it feels to miss yet cannot do anything about it? Do you know how sad it is to miss and not to be missed in return?

Months ago, I had dreams that you pushed me away, and now it seemed that the dream has come true. You no longer call for me when you enter baggies, you are busy with Baby and always spend time with her. You know how it feels to be left behind? I overheard that you are bringing Baby along and yet time is always spent with her. Pinky, Elephy told me that for humans, if they know that they would not be around for a long period of time, they would want to spend more time with their loved ones while they are still around. Am I not in your list of loved ones?

I felt used. I felt neglected. I felt that you are just playing around with me. When you first bought me, it was just a temporary excitement and now that you have fully used me, you have known me inside out, you do not want me anymore. Do you know how that feels?

You ignore me, you avoid me, you neglect me, as though I am invisible; yet Pinky, I want to let you know that all I want is just a proper conversation between us, to sort things out. I do not blame you and I forgive you, I just want a proper goodbye. 

A bag is subject to fair wear and tear, when I do not serve my purpose anymore, where would I be in your heart?

Wish you all the best in your future.

Huggies,
LOVE ~


Monday, 27 July 2015

From This Moment ~ Shania Twain

Back in March 2011, I was my friend's wedding coordinator and she asked for my help to select the songs for her. I bought a wedding CD from a Christian bookstore and listened to the songs. When I first heard this song, I fell in love with it; at the back of my mind I was thinking, this would be MY march in song.

I am still single and available, but I already have in mind how my wedding would be. Abba Father, please have mercy on Your daughter and take this cup from me. 

Shania Twain

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment, I have been blessed
I live only, for your happiness
And for your love, I give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
I can't wait to live my life with you I can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment, as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing, I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment, as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing, I wouldn't give
From this moment, I will love you
As long as I live from this moment on

Thursday, 9 July 2015

If One Day I Die Before You

Life is fragile and we never know when we are leaving this world. We have met people who left without having the chance to say goodbye to their loved ones. Some died due to accident, some sudden death, some illness et cetera.

If I ever die before you, please do not come to my wake because,

When I was alive and you were too busy for me,
I do not need you to waste your precious time to attend my wake, it should appear last in your list of priorities;

When I was alive and hoping to receive surprises from you but you were never thoughtful,
you need not be thoughtful to arrange to send funeral flowers to me as I would not be able to feel the surprise, nor am I able to smell or touch the flowers, so I would not be able to appreciate your thoughtfulness;

When I was alive and shared with you my wants and need but you never had the time to get those for me,
you may save your money for your own needs and wants as I believe my insurance would be able to take care of my funeral expenses;

When I was hoping to see you and to listen to your voice when I was alive but you never realised that, you are not obliged to feel that I was someone you once knew, closely...

Please do not feel guilty if you happen to read this and the message hit you hard, because when I was alive, you hardly felt bad about how you have treated me...

However, if you did appear at my wake, I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you finally could make (some) time for me....thank you~

Thank you for appearing in my life and turned it into wonderful and beautiful memories in the short span of time we knew each other. I wish you well...



Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Thank You & Don't Know

Saying: "Thank you" is simple; "I don't know" is easy. These two are short & sweet but have the ability to make or break a person.

Saying "thank you" is a simple act of gratitude, an overdose of it may portray insincerity & lack of it may portray lack of gratitude. We never know how a simple "thank you" could brighten up one's day & encourage the receiver of this message; likewise, we also never know how the lack of it would discourage a person.

Saying "don't know" is just an easy way out & a non-committal statement. It indicates uncertainty & the recipient of an "I don't know" response may feel insignificant; for instance, 

A: When are we meeting again?

B: I don't know

A: Are we going to meet again?

B: I don't know

At times, a simple "yes" or "no" or even "I don't know but I'll try" may make the recipient less upset.

Just saying ~



Thursday, 14 May 2015

The Roller Coaster Ride

Have you ever been on a roller coaster ride?

It would start slow, preparing our hearts and then slowly and eventually it would pick up on its speed, the ride was getting more exciting when the roller coaster turned upside down at a high speed and before you knew what was going on, the ride began to slow down and all of sudden the speed caught up again and what a sight of relief when you finally saw familiar faces at the place where you began the ride...

Falling in love perhaps is like that too...

In the beginning when you try to get to know a person, things started slowly and naturally; and a funny feeling inside our hearts telling us that we like the person. Then we try to find out if they feel the same too. There are butterflies in our stomach. We are anxious and excited at the same time.

Then things began to progress smoothly. The feeling is just like a roller coaster ride; at least that is what LOVE is experiencing.

Every roller coaster ride would need to come to an end. When would hers be?

LOVE loves it when Pinky brings her out but each time she is afraid that that would be the last time Pinky would bring her out. What can LOVE do?

Maybe, it is time for LOVE to wake up from her fantasy...

Sometimes, she wished that Pinky would assure her and say "Silly LOVE, how could you think like that?"


Tuesday, 24 March 2015

IF, and that is a big if...

IF, and that is a big if....

one could turn back the time, LOVE wished Pinky did not notice and buy her in the first place.

Perhaps...

things would turn out to be better...both LOVE and Pinky would continue to live their own lives...

OR

IF, and that is a big if...

Pinky noticed LOVE earlier, would things turn out to be better?

Maybe, and only maybe...

Pinky would pay more attention on LOVE...

LOVE's language of love is Quality Time...

Would Pinky spend more time with LOVE?

IF, and that is a big if...


Wednesday, 7 January 2015

You Never Know

You never know...
You never know...
How I wish I could tell you
Yet you would never know...

How much tears were shed,
How many times discouragement set in,
How many times heart was pierced,
How days were affected by someone who matters,
How grumpy one could be,
How deep the heart sunk,
How one could lost appetite,
How many sleeps were lost,
How smile disappeared,
How emptiness set in...

Sought for answer, a vague reply was given,
Sought for assurance, a vague assurance was given,
Sought for action, there is only omission to be seen,

Promises were remembered,
Memories were engraved in the heart,
Meaningful to one, meaningful to the other?

Promises were made,
Would circumstances make one let go of these promises?
Would one let go?
Would the other let go?

One never knows how much one is missed,
One never know how many times one is being thought of from time to time,
One never knows how many time one is being dreamed of,
One never knows...
One never knows...

Just a yes, just a no,
Just black, or white,
There is no in between,
There is no grey,

Heart, oh heart...
Mind, oh mind...
What is this all about?

You never know...
You never know...
Would you like to know?

Words were told,
Feelings were expressed,
Thoughts were conveyed,
But...
You never know...
You never know...
How vagueness clouded mind and heart when...
Words were not returned,
Feelings were not felt,
Thoughts were not exchanged

Squash...
Just like a game of squash...
Hit the ball against the wall...
The same ball would bounced back...

Heart, oh heart...
Mind, oh mind...
The other would never know...
Unless efforts are made to know (find out)...

Restless, restless,
Tired, tired...

Would you like to know?

Friday, 28 November 2014

My Testimony for Mission Trip August 2013

Kesaksian: Alice W.Y. Chan 

Pada tahun 1995, ibu saya balik dari hospital dan semasa saya buka pintu untuk ibu, saya ternampak air mata di mata ibu, lalu saya menyanya ibu apa yang berlaku? Ibu kata, dia baru balik dari hospital dan doktor beritahu ibu terdapat satu bayangan dalam paru-paru ibu melalui ujian x-ray dan ibu seharusnya menjalani pembedahan. 

Pada masa itu, saya masih kecil lagi dan tidak dapat menerima berita itu dengan tenang, namun dengan iman kita sekeluarga berdoa agar kesihatan ibu tidak akan terjejas. 

Ibu mahu tangguhkan tarikh pembedahan sebab mahu pergi melancong ke Negara China dan doktor membenarkan permintaan ibu. 

Setelah ibu balik dari Negara China, kita sekeluarga membuat persiapan dari segi mental untuk pembedahan ibu dan terus berdoa kepada Tuhan Bapa agar Tuhan akan memberkati ibu. 

Saya masih ingat lagi sebelum hari pembedahan itu, doktor beritahu kita sekeluarga bahawa ini adalah pembedahan kecil, dan akan siap dalam masa dua (2) jam. Oleh itu, pada pagi tersebut, saya berpakaian sekolah sebab sesi persekolahan saya adalah pada waktu petang. Dalam fikiran kita, ini adalah pembedahan kecil dan saya masih dapat pergi ke sekolah selepas pembedahan ibu. 

Saya juga ingat pada hari pembedahan tersebut, saya beritahu ibu untuk kuatkan iman dan percaya kepada Tuhan Bapa bahawa Tuhan Bapa akan menyembuhi dan melindungi ibu. Saya juga beritahu ibu bahawa saya akan tunggu sampai dia keluar dari pembedahan dan tunggu dia untuk menyambut hari jadi saya dalam masa dua hari lagi. Pada masa itu, saya nampak air mata dalam mata ibu dan dalam keadaan separa sedar, akibat daripada ubat bius yang digunakan oleh doktor, ibu menangguk kepala dengan perlahan. 

Kita sekeluarga menunggu di hospital dengan sabar dan terus berdoa kepada Tuhan Bapa supaya Tuhan Bapa memberkati para doktor yang menangani pembedahan ibu. Kita tunggu, tunggu dan tunggu. 

Masa dua (2) jam sudah berlalu, namun ibu masih tidak keluar lagi. Perasaan risau mula menyelubungi hati kita sekeluarga. Saya sangat takut pada masa itu dan tidak tahu apa yang dapat dilakukan kecuali berdoa kepada Tuhan Bapa. 

Tiga (3) jam, empat (4) jam, lima (5) jam, ibu masih tidak keluar dari bilik pembedahan. Saya tidak dapat menjelaskan perasaan saya pada masa itu. Perasaan risau, keliru, takut telah menyelubungi hati saya. Hubungan saya dengan ibu adalah begitu erat sekali. Pada masa itu, saya mula fikir, sekiranya pembedahan itu tidak berjaya, apakah yang akan berlaku kepada saya dan keluarga saya. Kita berdoa dengan lebih tekun lagi, minta Tuhan Bapa supaya pembedahan ibu akan berjaya. 

Seketika itu, kita ternampak saudari yang menghadiri gereja yang sama, lalu di tempat kita menunggu. Saudari ini kerja sebagai seorang jururawat di hospital itu, jadi kita minta pertolongan dari saudari ini untuk masuk ke bilik pembedahan dan minta tanya apa yang berlaku di dalam. Saudari itu setuju untuk membantu kita dan sebentar kemudian, dia keluar dan beritahu kita supaya jangan risau sebab ibu masih menjalani pembedahan tersebut dan akan keluar tak lama lagi. 

Suatu perasaan lega dalam hati kita sekeluarga dan kita terus menunggu dengan sabar sambil berdoa dengan tulus kepada Tuhan Bapa. 

Pada jam keenam, doktor keluar dari bilik pembedahan dan kita sekeluarga bangkit dengan segera untuk berjumpa dengan doktor. 

Doktor berkata dengan kita, pembedahan ibu sangat berjaya! Muka kita sekeluarga berseri kembali dengan segera! Doktor juga beritahu keadaan ibu stabil dan perlu masa untuk berehat. 

Sementara itu, doktor juga beritahu kita suatu khabar yang tidak disangka: 

Doktor beritahu kita sebenarnya mereka menjangka pembedahan ibu cuma ambil masa dua (2) jam tetapi pada masa pembedahan sedang dijalankan, didapati bahawa bayangan dalam paru-paru ibu itu sebenarnya adalah sel kanser (barah) dan ibu dijangka mendapati kanser paru-paru peringkat kedua; jadi untuk mengelakkan daripada sel-sel barah itu merebak ke organ lain, doktor terpaksa memotong satu belah paru-paru ibu. Doktor juga berkata sekiranya keadaan ibu stabil dan dalam masa lima (5) tahun, tiada terdapat lagi sel-sel barah dalam badan ibu, maka ibu akan selamat dan sihat pada masa akan datang. 

Semasa saya mendengar khabar itu dari doktor, saya tidak dapat menerima khabar tersebut; air mata mengalir dengan segera dari mata saya. Saya tidak dapat memahami kenapa Tuhan Bapa mahu membenarkan perkara ini berlaku dalam keluarga kita. Namun, kita juga bersyukur kerana Tuhan Bapa tidak menamatkan hidup ibu pada masa itu. 

Hari ini, selepas 17 tahun, ibu saya masih sihat lagi dan bersemangat; dan kita sekeluarga bersyukur kepada Tuhan Bapa kerana memberkati ibu sepanjang masa ini. 

Untuk diri saya, saya bersyukur kerana Tuhan Bapa membenarkan saya mengalami pengalaman ini, sebab semasa kawan-kawan saya bercerita kepada saya mengenai keadaan saudara mereka yang serupa dengan keadaan ibu, saya dapat memahami perasaan mereka dan dapat berkongsi dengan mereka bagaimana Tuhan Bapa telah memberkarti kita sekeluarga melalui peristiwa ini. 

Tuhan Bapa adalah Tuhan yang Maha Kasih. Saya amat bersyukur kepada Tuhan dan harap kesaksian saya hari ini dapat menggalakkan kita semua yang berada di sini supaya terus beriman dengan Tuhan Bapa walaupun kita berada dalam situasi yang tidak dapat ditangani dengan kekuatan kita sendiri, sebab kita seharusnya bergantung kepada Tuhan Bapa di dalam apa jua perkara. 

Terima kasih.

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Grateful [IV]

For the little things that happen in our lives, it is important that we do not take each day for granted. Life is fragile, this is what I have learned throughout all these years. This year alone, three (3) people had gone back to meet with our Abba Father. One, was my best friend's mother who passed away due to sickness (but was diagnosed two (2) months before her death); one, was a mentor in my previous Church, who had been suffering from the Big C; and lastly, a Pastor whom I used to serve with, passed away out of sudden.

This week alone I almost met with two (2) accidents. One was on Monday morning, when all of sudden a Ford Ranger swerved to my lane without showing signal but thank God there were no cars on the next lane and I managed to swerve to avoid but my heart was pumping fast thereafter, thinking if both the cars hit, what could have happened. On Tuesday evening, at the roundabout in my housing area, a Pizza Hut Delivery motorcyclist appeared from my car's blind spot and had I drove a little faster, I could have easily hit him. I am grateful, that though these were just minor incidents but God had protected me.

Recently I attended a Christian Conference (Chinese) in JB and to be honest, I had no idea about the theme and details of the Conference. I attended the Conference organised by the same organisation back in 2012 and thought it was good and signed up for this year. I wanted to pull out as I had to take two (2) days leave to attend this Conference, somehow I decided to attend anyway. I went without any expectation but was blessed in many ways. God had touched me tremendously and all I could say is, I miss God very much. At times, we are so occupied with our daily lives that we just "put God aside" subconsciously. Yes, we have our daily devotions and prayer but there are times our daily quiet time is insufficient to fulfill the deeper desires that we have. 

Few weeks ago, I forgotten to lock my car (I work in shoplot and park my car in open area) but thank God everything was safe and sound. On the same week, one of my files had an issue (consider major) and I prayed hard that everything would turn out smooth and thank God, my client called me and on his initiative, the issue had been resolved.

These are not big testimonies and sometimes we just thought, "Aiya, small matter, no need to share", but big things begin with small things. Once again, for these little things that happened in my life for the past few weeks, I am grateful that I am still alive and able to wish "Good morning Holy Spirit" and experience His Love, Joy, Peace and Grace every other day.

God bless :)

Friday, 26 September 2014

Lessons I Learned

That's the thing about choice: in favour of one & forego the other. One can never have both, it's either / or situation ~

&

Words are cheap, action adds value to it; until & unless action accompanies the word, there is no meaning to it ~

If someone told you that you are a choice and not an option, but at the same time, this person had already made up his or her mind that you are not the chosen one, are you still a choice?

If someone told you that Doggie A is in his or her heart but Doggie B has his or her heart, does this sentence make sense to you?

Is someone told you that there is no ranking, both Doggies have the same place in his or her heart, would you believe it?

If someone told you that he or she will protect you but at the same time took the knife to stab on your injured wound, what would you do?

“Some people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them," I said.

"Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.”

A quote by John Green in The Fault in Our Stars. What if the one whom you trusted to keep the promises fail you again and again? Keep trusting or...?

Learn the lesson and if possible, do not repeat the same mistake again ~

Monday, 8 September 2014

Life is Fragile [II]

The heart is fragile, to be handled with care; but life is even more fragile.
A heart that is hurt & broken could still be healed, but when a life is gone, it's gone. 
Even though memories remain & the life that's gone would be in better place, things will never be the same again.
Likewise, even though a heart is healed & becomes stronger, it's never the same as before.
Be it heart or life, both to be handled with care, not to be taken for granted nor to be taken advantage of.
Live, as though today is the last...

This was my status on FB recently. Why do I feel so?

Thru experiences I would say that the heart is fragile and to be handled with care. However, with the tragic incidences like the MH 370 and MH 17, would you agree if I say life is even more fragile?

My good friend's mom passed away recently upon being diagnosed of advanced stage of lung cancer about a month ago; that was a sudden news to us and we thought it happened too soon. I felt down that day.

I always thought that the heart is fragile and we are to handle it with care. After the incident, I think a heart that is hurt and broken, could and would be healed over time but when a life is gone, it will never come back again.

Of course, we have memories to keep but things would never be the same again. When we miss someone, we hope that he or she is by our side but when a life is gone, how ever we hope the person to be there with us, it is no longer possible.

Likewise, a heart that is hurt and broken, even if it is healed, it is no longer the same. The heart is not a playground and we should not play with it. Some hurts are intentionally, some are accidental, some are due to unwise decisions that we make et cetera. Whatever the reasons it may be, the heart would take a long time to heal.

To love is to be vulnerable, a famous quote by C.S. Lewis. If we are not vulnerable, we would not be able to enjoy love. When we are vulnerable, we risk ourselves to get hurt. When we are hurt, we have to decide if we want to give love another chance.

Life is simple, yet it is complicated at the same time. I wish, time would stop at the hour when everything is at the sweetest, happiest and loveliest. However, life is also not a bed of roses.

Life...

Live, as though today is the last...