Friday, 30 January 2015

A Little Too Hopeful

LOVE is on happy mode because Pinky had promised her that she would spend some time with her on their anniversary date!! Anniversary date meaning the day Pinky bought LOVE at the market. The day LOVE felt loved. The day LOVE felt wanted. The day LOVE felt that she would no longer be alone.

Looking forward to that day, LOVE started to prepare herself mentally and emotionally.

The day before their anniversary LOVE confirmed with Pinky and Yahoo! Pinky confirmed that she is going to bring LOVE out to celebrate :D

The day before the anniversary too LOVE was not in good mood. The other bags in the room bullied her and gave her negative feedback; that Pinky would stood her up, that Pinky would bring Baby out and forget about LOVE. LOVE tried not to think negatively and continued to be hopeful until...

On the morning of their anniversary, LOVE woke up happily and started to think where to celebrate the anniversary with Pinky but her heart almost stopped when she saw a note on her pillow:

"LOVE, tonight I can't bring you out. Work came up"


LOVE's mood was at the peak when she woke up but dropped as fast as this Space Shot Ride, almost getting a heart attack!

She lost appetite, she did not feel like doing anything, she cried so much that her eyes were swollen, in short, she was so down, so disappointed :(

Pinky did not apologise, nor did she offer to make up for another day; she just told LOVE that LOVE is important.

LOVE felt clueless ... devastated ... confused ... disappointed ... sad ... hurt ... pain ... heart being pinched .... not respected ... neglected ... ignored ... avoided ... betrayed ... unimportant ... unappreciated ... et cetera

A little too hopeful, with much disappointments...

Pinky....did she hear LOVE's cry?

Funny thing is, LOVE is the one who is upset but at the same time worrying about Pinky instead of the other way round ~




Monday, 26 January 2015

5 Reasons Running Makes You Happier

By Karen Janos 

Ask anybody who is a regular runner why they run, and they will likely tell you that running improves their lives and makes them happier. Sound strange that running can actually make you happier? Well, here are five reasons that it's true.

1. Physical exercise, running included, is known to release endorphins in the brain. Endorphins act as a natural "drug" that make a person more energetic, more awake and, yes, happier. The endorphins can kick in during run, after a workout or both, and are generally referred to as a "runner's high." Almost every runner experiences an elevated mood after running, and most will tell you that their moods tend to be gloomier when they don't run.

2. Running gets you into better physical shape, which, in turn, makes you feel stronger and better able to handle challenges that come your way. Being in better shape changes you not only physically, but also mentally. It makes you feel more empowered, which leads to a happier mood. 

3. Running and racing allow you to set goals. People are much happier when they are working towards a goal, whether they actually achieve it or not. The act of setting a goal and actively working towards it is what seems to trigger happiness. Reaching the goal, of course, is wonderful, but it is the journey towards the goal that leads to the most happiness. 

4. The running community is a very social group even though running is an individual sport. That fact might seem counterintuitive, but runners are very supportive of each other and are actually very social. Running with friends or interacting with other runners virtually can provide them with a supportive social group. Humans are generally happier (especially women) when they feel strong social connections. This idea does not mean that runners need to have a large social group, but rather a handful of good running buddies is enough to make them feel connected and, therefore, happier.

5. Finally, running improves your self-esteem. Increasing endorphins, getting in better shape, working towards a goal and increasing social connections all work together to increase your overall self-esteem. Increased self-esteem leads you to be happier. Think about it. Have you ever met a truly happy person who didn't have high self-esteem? I doubt it. 

So pull your running shoes on now and head out for a run. Your increased happiness is waiting for you.

Monday, 19 January 2015

My Personality [I]: Introverted- obServant - Thinking - Judging [ISTJ] Personality

Breakdown of preferences: Mind - Introverted (47%), Energy - Observant (13%), Nature - Thinking (7%), Tactics - Judging (9%), Identity - Turbulent (13%).


ISTJ Personality


"My observation is that whenever one person is found adequate to the discharge of a duty… it is worse executed by two persons, and scarcely done at all if three or more are employed therein." -- George Washington

The ISTJ personality type is likely to be the most popular one (around 13% of the population). “Only the facts, please” is their motto. ISTJ personalities respect facts greatly and tend to accumulate a lot of information in their own memory. One of the key contributing factors is their Observant (S) trait, which allows ISTJs to analyse the surroundings quite effortlessly.

Due to their straightforward approach, ISTJs may encounter difficulties when it becomes necessary to comprehend a competing theory or idea. However, people with this personality type are nearly unstoppable if they believe that a specific idea is valuable and can be implemented; they will consider it their duty to establish and maintain a smooth operation. As soon as the new procedure proves its usefulness (i.e., it becomes apparent that the new approach actually works), ISTJs will put in a lot of effort to enable its successful implementation, even at the expense of their own health.

ISTJs tend to be extremely thorough, always checking the facts and not assuming anything. ISTJs are also respected for their exceptional loyalty to their duty. Their accuracy, patience, and ability to concentrate make them ideal employees in many professions. Not surprisingly, people with this personality type gravitate toward traditional, hierarchical institutions—public service, law, military, etc.

ISTJ personalities spend an enormous amount of time and energy performing every task they see as important, especially if it contributes to the achievement of a specific goal. However, such a commitment also has a negative side: an ISTJ will refuse to budge and spend at least some of their time doing things that they do not see as meaningful or practical, e.g., some social rituals. ISTJ personalities prefer to do things alone, but they can also work as part of a team if necessary.

ISTJs enjoy being responsible for their actions and love the power that stems from this. They are usually jacks-of-all-trades, which can potentially lead to many significant achievements in diverse areas. ISTJs tend to be bright, logical, and wise individuals, characterized by their desire to seek a secure and stable life.

Like other Introverted (I) and Thinking (T) personalities, ISTJs are often (mistakenly) seen as indifferent and cold. Of course, it is understandably difficult for an ISTJ to reveal their emotions or express affection, but that does not mean that they have no feelings or are insensitive.

ISTJs are easily irritated by other people’s shortcomings. They see their own promises as sacred and cannot understand how someone could consciously fail to meet their obligations. This can be a significant disadvantage at times, as some people can abuse the ISTJ’s strong sense of duty by overloading them with work.

ISTJ personalities tend to keep their opinions to themselves unless someone asks them directly. People with this personality type are very direct; for them, the truth is always far more important than sensitivity. This ruthless judgment is irreplaceable in refereeing or legal work. Where other people might waver, the ISTJ will make the difficult decision while ignoring the emotional background.

ISTJs respect traditions and do their best to adhere to the existing rules and guidelines. In some cases, this trait can be so strong that the ISTJ will not break the rules, even when the consequences for breaking them pale in comparison to what would happen if those rules were followed.

ISTJs are not particularly good at listening to their own (and especially other people’s) feelings. Consequently, they may face difficulties when it is necessary to understand other people’s emotional needs. On the other hand, ISTJs rarely have any difficulties coping with emotionally charged situations. They can always keep a cool head and act rationally.

ISTJ Strengths and Weaknesses

ISTJ Strengths
* Jacks-of-all-trades. ISTJ personalities tend to be very observant and good with facts. They often know something about everything, and that internal encyclopedia often proves to be very useful in challenging situations. 
* Strong-willed and dutiful. ISTJs are willing to work very hard to make sure that they fulfill all their obligations. People with this personality type are patient and determined individuals who always keep the end goal in sight. 
* Very responsible. A promise means everything to an ISTJ. They would rather work overtime and lose sleep than fail to deliver the result that someone else is expecting. ISTJ personalities also tend to be extremely loyal, putting their duties above everything else. 
* Good at creating and enforcing order. ISTJs loathe chaos and always seek to come up with some kind of structure or a set or rules, regardless of what they do. They also do not shy away from enforcing the existing regulations and have zero tolerance for rule breakers. 
* Calm and practical. ISTJ personalities very rarely lose their temper, always approaching things from a calm and rational perspective. They believe that emotions should not be part of the decision-making process and always have their feet firmly on the ground. Not surprisingly, this also makes ISTJs quite resistant to criticism (in most situations). 
* Honest and direct. ISTJs strongly dislike mind games, reading between the lines, and emotional manipulation. They do not mince their words and prefer an inconvenient truth over a reassuring lie. 

ISTJ Weaknesses 

* Stubborn. ISTJs often find it difficult to accept a different opinion, especially if it is not based on easily verifiable facts. They also tend to be reluctant to accept changes or acknowledge that they were wrong, especially if that affects their lifestyle or habits. 
* Insensitive. ISTJ personalities prefer logic over emotions and often see the latter as irrational and distracting. Consequently, they may unknowingly hurt people who are more sensitive—e.g., Feeling (F) types. 
* Judgmental. From the ISTJ’s perspective, facts are all that matters. If someone is unwilling to accept those facts or simply does not know them, the ISTJ may find it difficult to respect that individual, especially if they refuse to acknowledge that their opinion is wrong. 
* Always by the book. People with the ISTJ personality type like having a clear set of rules and guidelines; however, this often results in them being reluctant to bend those rules or try something new. As already mentioned above, ISTJs cannot stand chaos and may feel lost and vulnerable in an unfamiliar, unstructured environment. 
* May often unreasonably blame themselves. Their strong sense of duty often makes it difficult for ISTJs to relax and stop overloading themselves with work. Sooner or later, the workload becomes unbearable, and then the ISTJ may feel terrible for failing to fulfill what they see as their duty. 


ISTJ Relationships and Dating

ISTJ personalities are dedicated and loyal partners, devoting an enormous amount of effort to ensure stability and mutual satisfaction in a relationship. They also tend to be very responsible and relatively conservative while dating. Once an ISTJ commits to a relationship, they will stick to their promise until the very end. People with this personality type gladly accept their duty to play a specific role in the relationship.

ISTJs approach relationships from their usual rational and traditional perspective. Dating an ISTJ may not be easy as they are likely to need some encouragement and patience—ISTJs are Introverted (I), after all—but that shell often hides a strong and quiet determination and reliability that is rarely seen among other personality types.

ISTJ personalities are hard workers, and this covers their relationships as well. They will do their best to fulfill their duties and keep the relationship functional and stable. ISTJs can easily take care of daily tasks, and they can also be surprisingly good at providing emotional support as soon as they realize that their partner needs this.

That being said, ISTJs tend to believe that their approach is always right, especially when they are faced with criticism. ISTJs should remember that “winning” the debate might often cause them to lose much more outside it, especially when it comes to a romantic relationship—and even more so when that relationship is still in the dating phase.

In general, ISTJs are not very good at sensing their partner’s feelings and emotions. This may cause some issues if their partner has a Feeling trait (F) as these personalities tend to expect a lot of emotional support, which does not come naturally to ISTJs. Every ISTJ who is in a romantic relationship, no matter if it is beyond the dating phase or not, should pay particular attention to this matter. ISTJ personalities are also likely to stick to traditional gender roles, feeling uncomfortable with anything out of the norm.

Preferred partners: ESFP and ESTP types, as their Extraversion (E) and Prospecting (P) traits counterbalance ISTJs’ Introversion (I) and Judging (J) traits.

ISTJ Friends

ISTJ friends may not be the most affectionate or talkative, but they will definitely be very loyal and trustworthy. People with this personality type tend to approach everything slowly and methodically, and this includes their friendships as well. An ISTJ may be slow to make a promise, but once they take that step, they will do everything they can to meet their commitments. Honor and loyalty are very important to ISTJs, especially where close friends are concerned.

ISTJ personalities are also likely to be quite sensitive among close friends, even though they may find it difficult to show affection. ISTJs prefer to convey such feelings through their efforts rather than words. That being said, ISTJs do not mind relaxing and having fun with joyful and talkative Extraverted friends, unlike many other Introverted types. The ISTJ’s patience is not unlimited, but they are definitely able to stop being serious every once in a while.

ISTJs usually seek friends who share similar principles and opinions. Consequently, they tend to drift toward other Sentinels (SJ) as these types are most likely to have a similar vision of the world. ISTJs are not close-minded, and they can certainly understand and appreciate the strengths of other personality types. However, they will rarely become close friends as ISTJ personalities are unlikely to be willing to expend the amount of energy required to bridge the differences. Perhaps surprisingly, ISTJs also tend to have at least one Intuitive (N) friend in their inner circle, even though they may find it difficult to connect with them on a deeper level due to the Intuitive (N) / Observant (S) communication barrier.

ISTJ Parents

ISTJ parents are likely to be strict, traditional, and very devoted. They will do their best to ensure that their children grow up in a stable and clearly structured environment, respectful of authority, and aware of their role and place within the society. ISTJ personalities are likely to enjoy parenthood as it gives them an excellent opportunity to contribute to the continuity and stability of their family, community, and society.

ISTJs may have difficulties meeting their children’s emotional needs as people with this personality type are not naturally sensitive. They will be very loyal and devoted, but recognizing and dealing with emotions is not something that an ISTJ is likely to feel comfortable with. This is where they may have to rely on their partner, especially if their child is quite emotional and sensitive.

ISTJ parents are also likely to have very high standards, in addition to being patient and hard-working. Naturally, they will expect their children to share these values as well. Such an approach will probably help their children succeed in life, but it may also create a distance between them and the ISTJ, especially during the adolescent years.

ISTJ Careers

Typical ISTJ careers are relatively easy to define, given that this personality type is very consistent and traditional. This article will give you a general idea of what career paths would be best for an ISTJ. As always, please bear in mind that these are simply tips and suggestions based on the traits shared by most ISTJs. Please feel free to leave us a message below if you have any comments, suggestions or ideas.

One of the key ISTJ personality traits is their respect for tradition, authority, and security. Most of the typical ISTJ careers revolve around this trait; for instance, people with this personality type are commonly found in military or legal professions. Their strong principles and conservatism make ISTJs excellent lawyers, judges, or military officers. There are many other potential ISTJ career paths that utilise this trait as well; for instance, ISTJs are often found among police officers or detectives.

ISTJs are also very reliable, objective, and exceptionally sharp-eyed. Their love of facts and logic make them ideal accountants, auditors, data analysts, and business administrators. These are some of the most typical ISTJ careers, and people with this personality type truly excel in such roles. However, ISTJs tend to dislike change and have very strong opinions about how everything should be done. They should be aware of these traits and be careful with them to avoid being seen as enemies of new ideas. Even the most traditional and stable ISTJ career paths can and need to change as time goes by.

ISTJs enjoy working alone, but they can also function well in teams if their role requires them to. People with this personality type prefer structured and clear work environments, roles, and responsibilities. However, ISTJs are quite bad at sensing other people’s feelings. Their “just the facts” approach can easily alienate more sensitive and emotional personality types. For this reason, ISTJs tend to avoid customer-facing, academic, or emotionally demanding careers. However, they can be excellent accountants, financial managers, doctors, or computer programmers. These potential ISTJ career paths are very diverse, but they share one significant trait: they put facts above personal feelings, emotions, and social interaction, which are characteristic ISTJ weaknesses.

ISTJs in the Workplace

The ISTJ personality type is quite straightforward when it comes to its traits in the workplace. Quiet, reliable, and methodical—what else is there to know, you might ask? Yet there are certain characteristics that become apparent only at work, and this is why it is important to discuss how ISTJs act in a professional environment.

ISTJ Colleagues 
* Very trustworthy, but reluctant to open up 
* Want to do everything “by the book” 
* May find it difficult to express their emotions or offer emotional support to a colleague 
* Value peace and security in the workplace 
* Prefer working alone or with someone who has a similar personality type 
* Dislike brainstorming and theorizing, but enjoy putting ideas into practice 
* May find it quite difficult to acknowledge the validity of ideas that contradict their opinion unless they have a lot of respect for that person 

ISTJ Managers 
* Able and willing to make difficult decisions 
* Strongly opposed to breaking rules 
* Live by the “only the facts, please” motto, especially when it comes to requests from subordinates in the workplace 
* Love responsibility and the power resulting from it 
* Very intolerant of their subordinates’ failures to meet their obligations at work 
* Believe that truth is more important than sensitivity 
* Expect their subordinates to go above and beyond their duties, but may forget to praise them (though to be fair, ISTJs treat themselves in the same way) 
* May dislike changes and innovations 

ISTJ Subordinates 
* Exceptionally loyal, dedicated, and committed, but may also be quite inflexible 
* Very punctual 
* Likely to be “jacks-of-all-trades” 
* Respect authority and prefer traditional hierarchies at work 
* Meticulous and patient 
* Need to have a clear set of instructions and well-defined responsibilities 
* Sensitive to criticism if the matter is related to their duties in the workplace 
* May be very reluctant to give up, responsibilities even if it becomes apparent that another person is better suited for that task or if the workload becomes unmanageable 


Your dominant intelligence is the verbal-linguistic intelligence. This means you have well-developed verbal skills and vocabulary and are sensitive to the sounds, meanings, and rhythms of words. You always notice grammatical mistakes when reading or writing something, and tend to think of appropriate solutions. You most likely have (or want) and book collection, and maybe even a collection of quotes and sayings that you remembered over the years. You enjoy puns, rhymes, riddles, and word games. You probably enjoyed English class. You enjoy reading, writing, and foreign languages.

Some jobs that suit the verbal-linguistic intelligence type are:
-Writer
-Lawyer
-Editor
-Public speaker
-Novelist
-Journalist
-Comedian
-Philosopher
-Psychotherapist
-Politician
-Teacher
-Actor

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

I Wasn't Treating My Husband Fairly, and It Wasn't Fair

It's never easy to admit you have a problem, or that you were wrong. This woman had a recent "revelation" and decided to write it all down in hopes that it might help other marriages. This is what she wrote...


My "Aha Moment" happened because of a package of hamburger meat. I asked my husband to stop by the store to pick up a few things for dinner, and when he got home, he plopped the bag on the counter. I started pulling things out of the bag, and realized he'd gotten the 70/30 hamburger meat - which means it's 70% lean and 30% fat.

I asked, "What's this?"

"Hamburger meat," he replied, slightly confused.

"You didn't get the right kind," I said.

"I didn't?" He replied with his brow furrowed. " Was there some other brand you wanted or something?"

"No. You're missing the point, " I said. "You got the 70/30. I always get at least the 80/20."

He laughed. "Oh. That's all? I thought I'd really messed up or something."

That's how it started. I launched into him. I berated him for not being smarter. Why would he not get the more healthy option? Did he even read the labels? Why can't I trust him? Do I need to spell out every little thing for him in minute detail so he gets it right? Also, and the thing I was probably most offended by, why wasn't he more observant? How could he not have noticed over the years what I always get? Does he not pay attention to anything I do?

As he sat there, bearing the brunt of my righteous indignation and muttering responses like, "I never noticed," "I really don't think it's that big of a deal," and "I'll get it right next time," I saw his face gradually take on an expression that I'd seen on him a lot in recent years. It was a combination of resignation and demoralization. He looked eerily like our son does when he gets chastised. That's when it hit me. "Why am I doing this? I'm not his mom."

I suddenly felt terrible. And embarrassed for myself. He was right. It really wasn't anything to get bent out of shape over. And there I was doing just that. Over a silly package of hamburger meat that he dutifully picked up from the grocery store just like I asked. If I had specific requirements, I should have been clearer. I didn't know how to gracefully extract myself from the conversation without coming across like I have some kind of split personality, so I just mumbled something like, "Yeah. I guess we'll make do with this. I'm going to start dinner."

He seemed relieved it was over and he left the kitchen.

And then I sat there and thought long and hard about what I'd just done. And what I'd been doing to him for years, probably. The "hamburger meat moment," as I've come to call it, certainly wasn't the first time I scolded him for not doing something the way I thought it should be done. He was always putting something away in the wrong place. Or leaving something out. Or neglecting to do something altogether. And I was always right there to point it out to him.

Why do I do that? How does it benefit me to constantly belittle my husband? The man that I've taken as my partner in life. The father of my children. The guy I want to have by my side as I grow old. Why do I do what women are so often accused of, and try to change the way he does every little thing? Do I feel like I'm accomplishing something? Clearly not if I feel I have to keep doing it. Why do I think it's reasonable to expect him to remember everything I want and do it just that way? The instances in which he does something differently, does it mean he's wrong? When did "my way" become "the only way?" When did it become okay to constantly correct him and lecture him and point out every little thing I didn't like as if he were making some kind of mistake?

And how does it benefit him? Does it make him think, "Wow! I'm sure glad she was there to set me straight?" I highly doubt it. He probably feels like I'm harping on him for no reason whatsoever. And it I'm pretty sure it makes him think his best approach in regards to me is to either stop doing things around the house, or avoid me altogether.

Two cases in point. #1. I recently found a shard of glass on the kitchen floor. I asked him what happened. He said he broke a glass the night before. When I asked why he didn't tell me, he said, "I just cleaned it up and threw it away because I didn't want you to have a conniption fit over it." #2. I was taking out the trash and found a pair of blue tube socks in the bin outside. I asked him what happened and why he'd thrown them away. He said, "They accidentally got in the wash with my jeans. Every time I put in laundry, you feel the need to remind me not to mix colors and whites. I didn't want you to see them and reinforce your obvious belief that I don't know how to wash clothes after 35 years."

So it got to the point where he felt it was a better idea — or just plain easier — to cover things up than admit he made a human error. What kind of environment have I created where he feels he's not allowed to make mistakes?

And let's look at these "offenses": A broken glass. A pair of blue tube socks. Both common mistakes that anyone could have made. But he was right. Regarding the glass, I not only pointed out his clumsiness for breaking it, but also due to the shard I found, his sad attempt at cleaning it up. As for the socks, even though he'd clearly stated it was an accident, I gave him a verbal lesson about making sure he pays more attention when he's sorting clothes. Whenever any issues like this arise, he'll sit there and take it for a little bit, but always responds in the end with something like, "I guess it just doesn't matter that much to me."

I know now that what he means is, "this thing that has you so upset is a small detail, or a matter of opinion, or a preference, and I don't see why you're making it such a big deal." But from my end I came to interpret it over time that he didn't care about my happiness or trying to do things the way I think they should be done. I came to view it like "this guy just doesn't get it." I am clearly the brains of this operation.

I started thinking about what I'd observed with my friends' relationships, and things my girlfriends would complain about regarding their husbands, and I realized that I wasn't alone. Somehow, too many women have fallen into the belief that Wife Always Knows Best. There's even a phrase to reinforce it: "Happy wife, happy life." That doesn't leave a lot of room for his opinions, does it?

It's an easy stereotype to buy into. Look at the media. Movies, TV, advertisements - they're all filled with images of hapless husbands and clever wives. He can't cook. He can't take care of the kids. If you send him out to get three things, he'll come back with two — and they'll both be wrong. We see it again and again.

(On a side note, I have a friend in advertising, and I asked him why so much of that stereotype exists. He basically said, "'Smart wife/dumb husband' is really the only joke that's allowed anymore. Imagine doing a commercial with a clueless or helpless wife who needs a man to come in and save the day. Customers would be up in arms because of the company's antiquated views on women. Plus women make the majority of household purchases in this country, and you want to make them feel smart for choosing your product. So what you always get is the dumb husband character foil.)

What this constant nagging and harping does is send a message to our husbands that says "we don't respect you. We don't think you're smart enough to do things right. We expect you to mess up. And when you do, you'll be called out on it swiftly and without reservation." Given this kind of negative reinforcement over time, he feels like nothing he can do is right (in your eyes). If he's confident with himself and who he is, he'll come to resent you. If he's at all unsure about himself, he'll start to believe you, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Neither one is a desirable, beneficial outcome to you, him or the marriage.

Did my husband do the same to me? Just as I'm sure there are untold numbers of women who don't ever do this kind of thing to their husbands, I'm sure there are men who do it to their wives too. But I don't think of it as a typical male characteristic. As I sat and thought about it, I realized my husband didn't display the same behavior toward me. I even thought about some of the times I really did make mistakes. The time I backed into the gate and scratched the car? He never said a word about it. The time I was making dinner, got distracted by a call from my mom, and burned it to cinders? He just said, "we can just order a pizza." The time I tried to put the new patio furniture together and left his good tools out in the rain? "Accidents happen," was his only response.

I shuddered to think what I would have said had the shoe been on the other foot and he'd made those mistakes.

So is he just a better person than me? Why doesn't he bite my head off when I don't do things the way he likes? I'd be a fool to think it doesn't happen. And yet I don't remember him ever calling me out on it. It doesn't seem he's as intent as changing the way I do things. But why?

Maybe I should take what's he always said at face value. The fact that these little things "really don't matter that much to him" is not a sign that he's lazy, or that he's incapable of learning, or that he just doesn't give a damn about what I want. Maybe to him, the small details are not that important in his mind — and justifiably so. They're not the kinds of things to start fights over. They're not the kinds of things he needs to change about me. It certainly doesn't make him dumb or inept. He's just not as concerned with some of the minutia as I am. And it's why he doesn't freak out when he's on the other side of the fence.

The bottom line in all this is that I chose this man as my partner. He's not my servant. He's not my employee. He's not my child. I didn't think he was stupid when I married him - otherwise I wouldn't have. He doesn't need to be reprimanded by me because I don't like the way he does some things.

When I got to that point mentally, it then made me start thinking about all the good things about him. He's intelligent. He's a good person. He's devoted. He's awesome with the kids. And he does always help around the house. (Just not always to my liking!) Even more, not only does he refrain from giving me grief when I make mistakes or do things differently than him, he's always been very agreeable to my way of doing things. And for the most part, if he notices I prefer to do something a certain way, he tries to remember it in the future. Instead of focusing on those wonderful things, I just harped on the negative. And again, I know I'm not alone in this.

If we keep attempting to make our husbands feel small, or foolish, or inept because they occasionally mess up (and I use that term to also mean "do things differently than us"), then eventually they're going to stop trying to do things. Or worse yet, they'll actually come to believe those labels are true.

In my case it's my husband of 12+ years I'm talking about. The same man who thanklessly changed my car tire in the rain. The guy who taught our kids to ride bikes. The person who stayed with me at the hospital all night when my mom was sick. The man who has always worked hard to make a decent living and support his family.

He knows how to change the oil in the car. He can re-install my computer's operating system. He lifts things for me that are too heavy and opens stuck jar lids. He shovels the sidewalk. He can put up a ceiling fan. He fixes the toilet when it won't stop running. I can't (or don't) do any of those things. And yet I give him grief about a dish out of place. He's a good man who does a lot for me, and doesn't deserve to be harassed over little things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Since my revelation, I try to catch myself when I start to nag. I'm not always 100% consistent, but I know I've gotten a lot better. And I've seen that one little change make a big improvement in our relationship. Things seem more relaxed. We seem to be getting along better. It think we're both starting to see each other more as trusted partners, not adversarial opponents at odds with each other in our day-to-day existence. I've even come to accept that sometimes his way of doing things may be better!

It takes two to make a partnership. No one is always right and no one is always wrong. And you're not always going to see eye-to-eye on every little thing. It doesn't make you smarter, or superior, or more right to point out every little thing he does that's not to your liking. Ladies, remember, it's just hamburger meat.

This post originally appeared on Reddit.


Monday, 12 January 2015

When You Want to Give Up...

Remember Why You Started...



LOVE was anxious over the dream that she had. She had been dreaming similar dreams for the past few days and that made her worried even more. She stayed quiet in the room, cried herself to sleep at night, hoping that the other bags would not be able to hear her cry. One thing she could not really hide was her lost of appetite, the other bags could notice that she had lost much appetite lately.

On the verge of deciding whether she should continue holding on, she found this. Then she was reminded of the beautiful memories she had with Pinky. LOVE had actually planned to run away but when she saw this poster one day, she had decided that she would not give up because she had promises to fulfill, she was reminded how Pinky gave her strength, support and encouragement, and would love to walk the journey together with Pinky.

Would Pinky be willing to walk with her? The question lingered on her mind and hopefully Pinky would give her an affirmative response.

Marriage isn’t about romance

The movies sell us romance but true love is nothing like the movies. Marriage is real-life people doing real-life things trying to achieve a happily ever after.


I've always loved the movies, especially a good romance. When I was young, I often dreamed of being swept off my feet to romantic places like Paris or Italy by a tall, dark and perfectly handsome man who would serenade me while I stood on the balcony in the moonlight. Sounds romantic, doesn't it?

That's what the movies sell us. They sell us romance. They make us believe that in order for someone to be a good marriage candidate, they have to ride a white stallion, fill our apartment with flowers and take us to the moon and back all while being perfectly handsome with a few manageable quirks that make him even more attractive by the end of the movie. Give him an accent and a good job and girls can't help but swoon and bide their time until such a man comes looking for them.

When I started looking for a husband, I have to admit that I was using the movies as my standard. I refused my husband's proposal three times before I finally said yes — just because he had red hair. Good thing he was persistent and I finally let go of Hollywood's ideals because I would have missed out on one of the most remarkable men I have ever met. We have been married for 14 years and one of the most valuable lessons I have learned is that marriage isn't about romance.

Marriage isn't about romance, it's about love

It's about holding her hair when she can't keep her breakfast down because of morning sickness and consoling him when he didn't get that big promotion. It's about supporting her in her dreams so she recognizes she's more than what the world defines as a stay-at-home mom. It's about having dinner ready when he gets home from a long day at work so that he can spend the rest of the night with the family. It's about giving each other the benefit of the doubt and recognizing that nobody is perfect.

Marriage isn't about romance, it's about sacrifice

It's about giving up travelling around the world so you can get a job and help put him through school. It's about giving up time with the guys so that you can give her an evening away from the kids. It's about giving up a career that you love so you can focus on the important things of life and raise a family. It's about getting up early every day and going to a job you're not exactly fond of so you can provide a good life for your family. It's about giving up a little bit of what you want so that you can put a smile on someone else's face.

Marriage isn't about romance, it's about work

It's about working through your differences and learning to live together in harmony. It's about making a living, paying bills and making ends meet. It's about cleaning the toilet, taking out the trash, and mowing the lawn. It's about cleaning out the garage, pulling the weeds, folding the laundry and washing the dishes. It's about working together to make your home and marriage the best it can possibly be. There is not a day that goes by in marriage that work is not required.

Marriage isn't about romance, it's about communication

It's about sharing your thoughts, your dreams and your desires. It's about talking about your problems and coming up with possible solutions. It's about discussing future plans and how they impact life as you know it. It's about making plans, setting goals, and taking action together to achieve them. It's about being open and honest with one another in every aspect of your marriage. It's about learning to trust enough to open your heart to someone else. It's about never letting a day pass without words being spoken between you.

Marriage isn't about romance, it's about time

It's about making time for one another regardless of how busy life gets. It's about spending more of your free time with your spouse than you do with anyone else. It's about making sure you have free time to spend. It's about putting other priorities aside and really focusing on the person you chose to marry. It's about the quality of time and not necessarily the quantity. What you do and how you treat the one you love is of the greatest importance.

Marriage isn't about romance, it's about service

It's about making the bed in the morning and getting up with the baby for a midnight feeding so she can sleep. It's about getting up early to fix his lunch and sending him a text to tell him you love him. It's about buying her a rose to show her your love and fixing him his favorite dinner, even when you're not a fan. It's about folding his laundry and fixing her breakfast in bed and all of the other kind little acts of service that make up years of a happy marriage.

Marriage isn't about romance, it's about living

In all these years, I have learned that marriage is nothing like the movies. Marriage is real-life people doing real-life things trying to achieve a happily ever after while still living in the real world. Romance is not a bad thing, and every marriage needs a little romance now and then, but that isn't what marriage is about. Marriage is about living and breathing and loving and giving. Marriage is about working and sacrifice and all of the hardship and pain that is sometimes associated with that. But it's also about the joy and the happiness and the pleasure and the pure and simple love that comes when two people fall in love and live happily ever after because they simply choose to live.

Thursday, 8 January 2015

The Dream

LOVE was sleeping when suddenly she was awake by a dream which kept her worried for days:

Pinky brought her out and all of sudden asked LOVE to go away.
LOVE was trying to pull Pinky gently but was pushed away.

Then LOVE woke up, feeling insecure...

Would this happen?

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

You Never Know

You never know...
You never know...
How I wish I could tell you
Yet you would never know...

How much tears were shed,
How many times discouragement set in,
How many times heart was pierced,
How days were affected by someone who matters,
How grumpy one could be,
How deep the heart sunk,
How one could lost appetite,
How many sleeps were lost,
How smile disappeared,
How emptiness set in...

Sought for answer, a vague reply was given,
Sought for assurance, a vague assurance was given,
Sought for action, there is only omission to be seen,

Promises were remembered,
Memories were engraved in the heart,
Meaningful to one, meaningful to the other?

Promises were made,
Would circumstances make one let go of these promises?
Would one let go?
Would the other let go?

One never knows how much one is missed,
One never know how many times one is being thought of from time to time,
One never knows how many time one is being dreamed of,
One never knows...
One never knows...

Just a yes, just a no,
Just black, or white,
There is no in between,
There is no grey,

Heart, oh heart...
Mind, oh mind...
What is this all about?

You never know...
You never know...
Would you like to know?

Words were told,
Feelings were expressed,
Thoughts were conveyed,
But...
You never know...
You never know...
How vagueness clouded mind and heart when...
Words were not returned,
Feelings were not felt,
Thoughts were not exchanged

Squash...
Just like a game of squash...
Hit the ball against the wall...
The same ball would bounced back...

Heart, oh heart...
Mind, oh mind...
The other would never know...
Unless efforts are made to know (find out)...

Restless, restless,
Tired, tired...

Would you like to know?

Monday, 5 January 2015

ME ~ What I Dislike!

As we grow up, we would find out more about ourselves. Throughout the past few months, I guess I know what I dislike:

1) I dislike talking to myself a.k.a. self talk

2) I dislike talking to a wall

3) I dislike talking to an imaginary friend

4) I dislike not getting replies

5) I dislike being neglected

6) I dislike being rejected

7) I dislike being ignored

8) I dislike to be forgotten

9) I dislike the feeling of being unloved

10) I dislike when affections are not returned

11) I dislike myself for having negative feelings over the above ~