The Door [II]

https://www.facebook.com/notes/alice-weng-yin-chan/the-door/10150799477055198?__mref=message_bubble

http://aliceyin.blogspot.my/2011/09/door.html

When I typed on "The Door" back in 2011, I never thought that there would be a sequel on this topic.

Have you ever experienced someone dear to you, built up a high wall, disconnecting himself or herself from you, ignoring all your efforts to stay in touch for one whole month?

Ghosting, is emotional cruelty. Yes, I agree!

I did not expect myself to knock on another door and certainly did not expect myself to share about this topic again. 

Knock Knock! Knock Knock!

After three weeks of knocking, finally there was a reply from the other side of the wall, saying,

"Leave me alone"

Perhaps the person at the other end needs some space, personal space; to think things through. Perhap, perhaps, perhaps...

I could make as many reasons as I want for the other person's behalf. By the fourth week, I am amazed by few things:

Firstly, the other person's ignorance and indifference. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

Secondly, by my own determination and perseverance.

Would you give up knocking when there is zero response from the other side?

How could a person carry on with life by hurting and sacrificing someone who deemed to be dear to him or her? In other words, at the expense of someone else's fragile heart.

Once I saw a quote that sounds like this, "it is not that one changes, just that the mask falls off". Perhaps, that is the true colour of the person at the other end.

Question to myself:

Do I still keep knocking?

Do I still care? Of course I do still care. We care even in anger.

Is it worth my time and effort to care for someone who seems so heartless?

I still want to believe that we still care for each other, that we could still sail together, but am I trying too hard?

Knock Knock! Knock Knock!

I could not even hear an echo...

When someone treats you like nobody, wake up, and do not melt for that person anymore. Olaf says, "some people are worth melting for"; I guess even if I melt myself to the last bit, that person at the other end would not be able to notice, because there is nothing left to be seen; every bit and pieces of me has melted, there is nothing to be melted anymore...

And the person at the other end, continues to be indifference and ignorant; the only difference is, Olaf is not able to feel the pain and hurt because it has melted...

Major Throwback: 14-05-2011 ~ Ta-Daa!! Here Comes the Narrator =)

Back in May 2011, I went to Bangkok with a group of friends and thanks to Facebook Memories, I was reminded of this Note that I have posted on the trip. I want to keep this precious memory, hence transferring it from FB to my personal blog.

 

As I read back this post, I see myself changed; from the way I see things, to the way I express myself. Hence, things will change, only memories remain...

It is always amazing to see how God brings (us) together; two people from different background, meet under common circumstances, and then fell in love with each other, followed by courtship and finally, plan to walk along the wonderful journey, namely marriage, hand in hand till death do (us) apart ~

In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:13 says ~
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8 ~
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

Love is wonderful, Amen :) With love, we are able to accept each other's shortcomings and with acceptance, there is sense of security. Whenever we see wonderful couples walking along the aisle, we feel touched because love has brought them together.

I am often touched by the couple's thanksgiving speech at the end of the wedding ceremony. When they thank their parents for their love, followed by their thankfulness to relatives, friends, and even acquaintances; this shows how powerful love is. With love, everything is possible.

I always find it amazing when we witness how God works in us human. At first both are imperfect, but we are made perfect in God's love; with His love and presence, both imperfect people are able to accept each other from deep inside their heart ~ what a wonderful picture.

Have you seen a couple whom you think are not a match in the eyes of people? For instance, in terms of education level, physical attractiveness, family backgrounds etc. However, love does not view these things with the human eye, especially when God's love intervenes.

I used to have a long list of requirements on my future partner, however knowing that myself is imperfect, I just have one requirement ~ a God-fearing man who is willing & able to accept my shortcomings with love ~

Oops, too much into my narration huh :p
Here comes the story:-

The GUY came with an ULTIMATE motive
The GAL came with only ONE purpose
Both came to the same destination

The GUY plans to give the GAL a BIG SURPRISE!
The GAL has some expectation from the GUY
Both have different form of expectation from this trip

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Finally the time comes ~ 10th May, which is also the GAL's birthday date
The GUY starts to execute his plan with his accomplices :p
Accomplices ~ TWO Handsome Guys & TWO Pretty Ladies :))

First, to ask the GAL to go up to a specific venue
Then to blindfold the GAL to play a game
Next the GUY asked the GAL some questions
After some Q&A sessions, the GAL was allowed to see
Oops, what did she see? & what did she hear? & what did she say?
Aha!~ The GUY's expectation was fulfilled!
Simultaneously, the GAL's expectation was also met!
Thereafter, one round of CELEBRATION & MORE SURPRISES!!! =)))

A Joyful moment filled with God's presence
A Joyful moment to be remembered by all those who are present
A Joyful moment shared by family members & friends
A Joyful moment to be passed from generation to generation

At the end of the day, love conquers all the negative feelings & with love that sparks between them, I believe they will carry on their lives hand in hand in God's love :)

10th May, 2011 at Page 10 Hotel in Pattaya, Thailand
A venue specifically chosen for this purpose
A day specifically chosen for this purpose
A purpose fulfilled for the perfect reason

Marriage, a wonderful journey awaiting this wonderful couple ~
May Lord bless them with His Love, Joy, Peace, Grace, Mercy, Blessing & Wisdom :)

Prefixing with 'very': 20 words to replace 'very'

 http://indiatoday.intoday.in/education/story/prefixing-very/1/663761.html

We all love to prefix 'very' to emphasise something; for instance, we say 'I am very happy' instead of 'I am jubilant'.

Here' s a list of 20 such words where you can use a specific word instead of adding 'very'.


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Now, this was a very exhaustive list!

Hao Hao Shuo Zai Jian - David Tao Zhe & Sharon Kwan (好好說再見 - 陶喆 & 關詩敏)

我愛過妳笑的臉龐
Wo ai guo ni xiao de lian pang

I loved your smiling face
我愛過妳心的善良
Wo ai guo ni xin de shan liang

I loved the kindness of your heart
這些年有妳的時光
Zhe xie nian you ni de shi guang

Those years and memories with you
把我的孤獨都照亮
Ba wo de gu du dou zhao liang
Lit up my loneliness

我記得妳說過的話 (時間留不住一句話)
Wo ji de ni shuo guo de hua (shi jian liu bu zhu yi ju hua)

I remember the words that you said (Time cannot keep a sentence)
我記得曾為妳瘋狂 (何時過了年少輕狂)
Wo ji de ceng wei ni feng kuang (he shi guo le nian shao qing kuang)

I still remember the crazy things I did for you (When did we pass this stage of reckless youth)
當情太深而緣太淺 (當你離開我的世界)
Dang qing tai shen er yuan tai qian (dang ni li kai wo de shi jie)

When the feelings are too deep but the fate is too shallow (When you leave my world)
至少要好好說再見 (要怎麼好好說再見)
Zhi shao yao hao hao shuo zai jian (yao zen me hao hao shuo zai jian)
At least we should say goodbye properly (How can we say goodbye properly)

*
一直以為真愛能直到永遠
Yi zhi yi wei zhen ai neng zhi dao yong yuan

Always thinking that real love would last forever
彼此相愛的每一天都是永遠
Bi ci xiang ai de mei yi tian dou shi yong yuan

Being in love would help us to last forever
一直以為我們有同一個明天
Yi zhi yi wei wo men you tong yi ge ming tian

Always thinking that we would have the same tomorrow
你曾是我的世界不完整的世界
Ni ceng shi wo de shi jie bu wan zheng de shi jie

You were previously my world my incomplete world

如果花謝了會再開
Ru guo hua xie le hui zai kai

If flowers wilt they will blossom again
如果錯了的還能改
Ru guo cuo le de hai neng gai

If there are wrongs they can be corrected
這些年累積的關懷
Zhe xie nian lei ji de guan huai

The accumulated care of those years
怎能說不在就不在
Zen neng shuo bu zai jiu bu zai

How can we just say it doesn’t exist

感情不該一直受傷 (為何愛總是帶著傷)
Gan qing bu gai yi zhi shou shang (wei he ai zong shi dai zhe shang)

Feelings should not continually be hurt (Why does love always bring hurt)
我不願讓妳再失望 (有期望才會有失望)
Wo bu yuan rang ni zai shi wang (you qi wang cai hui you shi wang)

I can’t  bear to see you disappointed again (With hopes there will always be disappointment)
當幸福碎成一片片 (一顆心碎成一片片)
Dang xing fu sui cheng yi pian pian (yi ke xin sui cheng yi pian pian)

When happiness breaks into many pieces (A heart shattering into pieces)
至少要好好說再見 (要怎麼好好說再見)
Zhi shao yao hao hao shuo zai jian (yao zen me hao hao shuo zai jian)
At least we should say a proper goodbye (How can we say goodbye properly)

Repeat *

相信妳會過得更好 (我還不想把你忘掉)
Xiang xin ni hui guo de geng hao (wo hai bu xiang ba ni wang diao)

I believe that you will be better off without me (I still can’t bear to forget you)
別丟棄妳無邪的笑 (再見面還可以擁抱)
Bie diu qi ni wu xie de xiao (zai jian mian hai ke yi yong bao)

Don’t lose your innocent smile (The next time we meet we can still embrace)

我記得妳說過的話 (時間留不住一句話)
Wo ji de ni shuo guo de hua (shi jian liu bu zhu yi ju hua)

I remember the words that you said (Time cannot keep a sentence)
我記得曾為妳瘋狂 (何時過了年少輕狂)
Wo ji de ceng wei ni feng kuang (he shi guo le nian shao qing kuang)

I remember the words that you said (Time cannot keep a sentence)
當愛情不再像從前 (你永遠是我的從前)
Dang ai qing bu zai xiang cong qian (ni yong yuan shi wo de cong qian)

When love is never again like it was before (You will always be in my past)
原諒我沉默的再見
Yuan liang wo chen mo de zai jian

Forgive my silent goodbye

 

 http://www.chineselyrics4u.com/2013/07/hao-hao-shuo-zai-jian-david-tao-zhe.html 

 

 

This Is How I Will Choose You

Anjana Rajbhandary


I was recently talking to a friend about relationships when she said something that really stuck with me: “Relationships aren’t easy. They take work. You have to change with them. People think it’s a cliché to change for another person, but if you want to continue being with someone else, you have to let yourself grow, and growth is change.”

You need to change to grow. You need to be with the person who is willing to grow with you. You have to be with someone you can fight well with, because conflict is inevitable. If you cannot change yourself and grow with the other person, it will never work in the long run.

In many relationships, one person grows and the other one usually stays the same. Maybe that’s why the divorce rate is so high.

I don’t believe that it is bad to change. We should want to change. It’s a part of life. Nothing remains the same; you are going against nature if you refuse to evolve. Nothing stays as constant as change in the world. But as humans, change scares us, because it promises unpredictability. And unpredictability can be threatening.

You can never change anyone, but you can change yourself. And when you change, mean it. Change to become the best version of yourself that you did not think was possible.

You have to be strong to reveal your vulnerabilities, and when someone can promise to protect your soul, you know you have taken your shell off at the right time. Many people will stomp all over your weaknesses, leaving you broken and bruised, making you question your choices. But you were never wrong and you were never a fool. This is just life.

There is no right situation or right time, because something will always be wrong. When two people share the same goals and want the same things in life, the timing and the location are just subsidiary. When two people want to make it work, they do. It’s not rocket science.

Life is full of temptations, but you have to make a choice and you have to honor your promise to the person. You have to respect yourself to be able to respect the other person’s feelings, because everyone can get hurt. That’s when you fight for yourself and you fight for the other person, because without them, it wouldn’t be the same.

Meet someone who won’t make you question your thoughts and your feelings. Meet someone who makes you feel safe. Meet someone you are scared to lose every day, but someone who will never let you get lost. Meet someone who doesn’t make you question yourself. Meet someone who makes you realize the magic of living, because that is the whole point.

Meet someone who treats you like the best damn thing in the world that could ever exist, and treat them the same way.

Never let your heart compromise with ‘what if.’ Why do so many of us settle? Because we think it’s the best we deserve, or the most precious that we can find.

Choose someone who will do whatever it takes, because sometimes it takes a lot, and it is scary. Choose someone who is willing to risk themselves in the process because you would do the same. Choose someone who chooses you with the same promise you made yourself – a promise of happiness that comes with a price, but a price well worth it.

We cannot promise eternity but only hope for the best. When I choose you, I will choose only you. We cannot promise each other a forever, but when I am with you, I will be with only you.

Until then, I wait.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/anjana-rajbhandary/2016/01/this-is-how-i-will-choose-you/

爱一个人不一定要在一起 (You Don’t Have To Be Together To Love)

Artist
FS (Fuying & Sam)
Lyricist：肯林 Composer：刘永辉

曾經溫熱的手 心動不再擁有
Ceng jing wen re de shou xin dong bu zai yong you
看見你的時候 變得禮貌點頭
Kan jian ni de shi hou bian de li mao dian tou
當時我們愛冒險 太年輕的感情線
Dang shi wo men ai mao xian tai nian qing de gan qing xian
承諾說得太遙遠
Cheng nuo shuo de tai yao yuan

*
現在依然牽手 走到分岔路口
Xian zai yi ran qian shou zou dao fen cha lu kou
忘了什麼時候 最想要是自由
Wang le shen me shi hou zui xiang yao shi zi you
愛情已來到終點 突然回憶在浮現
Ai qing ti lai dao zhong dian tu ran hui yi zai fu xian
害怕誰先說再見
Hai pa shui xian shuo zai jian

**
說好了不分手 感動讓我心疼
Shuo hao le bu fen shou gan dong rang wo xin teng
當初說的以後 那些以後會多久
Dang chu shuo de yi hou na xie yi hou hui duo jiu
情緒在撥動 你還是親吻我額頭
Qing xu zai bo dong ni hai shi qing wen wo e tou
愛情很重 卻裝不懂 為什麼我們還閃躲
Ai qing hen zhong que zhuang bu dong wei shen me wo men hai shan duo

***
最後還是分手 希望你變成更好的人
Zui hou hai shi fen shou xi wang ni bian cheng geng hao de ren
從最深愛的人 不聞不問 到兩個陌生人
Cong zui shen ai de ren bu wen bu wen dao liang ge mo sheng ren
你還是占有 我心裡最重要那一個
Ni hai shi zhan you wo xin li zui zhong yao na yi ge
對不起 我不能和你在一起
Dui bu qi wo bu neng he ni zai yi qi

Repeat *

Repeat **

Repeat ***

還愛你 卻不能和你在一起
Hai ai ni que bu neng he ni zai yi qi

 

 

True Love is a Choice. It’s 80% Commitment and 20% Feelings

No good thing happens easy, it takes conscious effort and time invested to make it real. So it is the same for love, True Love is a choice. Someone once told me this, wise words that I never forgot and hold it very dear to me. A relationship is made out of 80% commitment and 20% emotion.

80% Commitment and 20% Emotion

The younger me indulged with too much k-drama influenced by it’s unrealistic and unhealthy love stories. I too, wanted the “relationships” depicted on screen, a relationship that can give me the greatest highs. A high like that, in reality, comes with a price tag, a costly one at that. In order, to reach the highest highs, one will need to have experienced the lowest lows. Of which the frequency of the lows can be > high. It is a vicious cycle. Emotional turmoils that keeps the couple trapped in a constant stagnation. The unconscious desire in chasing for a high becomes an unconscious self-fulling prophesy. The root cause for a toxic relationship is compounded by these accumulated choices.

Lessons that only hindsight can give, I would not have traded the pain and experience for less. The recurring aftermath waves of pain was the constant reminders to reevaluate the choices made and they were crucial turning points in my life. Learning that some fall in love with the concept of being in love, without loving the person. Falling in love with the idea of love. Being in love with the abstract idea of attaining the perfect life also means getting married and having kids.

Love is a Choice

I have come to realize that true love is a choice. Love isn’t an emotional feeling, it is as logical as it can get. It is easy to feel like you are falling in love, but losing that feeling is just as easy.

Relationships require hard work and choosing love as a daily choice is much more beautiful than a mere euphoric feeling.

We first meet, we fall in love

We first meet, we fall in love. We don’t choose who we fall in love with. The feeling of euphoria slowly fades away, and life happens. It is no longer spontaneous but it becomes routine. We learn our strengths and our flaws. We see the best and the worst. We see how perfectly imperfect we are. We learn our pasts, and the demons we can’t let go. We are weird, we are quirky. We learn we have different habits, weaknesses, and flaws. We know discover each other and the aura of mystery disappears. Sooner or later, the cupid spell wears off. That, and the feeling of being in love, slowly fades away.

Do we give up?

When we reach this stage, there are 2 ways to deal with this:
1. Give up, break up and start the search again for the new ideal person.
2. Learn to compromise, accept imperfections, improve ourselves positively and constructively to be a better version of ourselves for each other. 

Feelings are fleeting, No one wants to talk about how feelings fade, that it takes work to keep feelings alive, and a relationship intact. To know that staying in love, is a deliberate choice. Staying in love under the Fundamentals of Love.

Love is Commitment

Just because we don’t feel the same when we first started out, doesn’t mean we stop loving someone. That is when we learn, that love is more than a feeling, we learn that love is commitment. To love each other is a choice we have to make daily. It is an intentional and conscious decision to choose to love each other for better and for the worst.

Emotions are fleeting and transient. It takes more than emotion for true love to exists. It takes hard work for relationships to be genuine, consistent and lasting.

Will you choose love today?

Those who choose love, finds love. Those who don’t, will seek it for the rest of their lives. We choose who we want our soulmates, the love of our life to be. And we both have to choose it together. 

Written by Michelle Kuan 

https://annabellaw.com/2016/05/03/true-love-is-a-choice-its-80-commitment-and-20-feelings/