You Will be Deeply Missed [II]

Dear Alex Sim,

Today you'll bid us goodbye
Many of us will cry
Asking God why
You must say this goodbye

You've left a legacy behind
We will keep in mind
To be sincere & kind
To all mankind

You've lived a life
Impacting many lives
Your light will continue to shine
Till we say "hi" (in heaven)

弟兄，一路好走。。再见了

You Will Be Deeply Missed [I]

I was back to office from lunch and received a call from a sister. We usually text each other and to receive a call from her on a working day was not a norm. She told me that she received a text message which informed the passing of a brother whom she knew I was quite close with.

Shocked. Numbed. I was not convinced so I asked her to forward to me the text; maybe that's because I am a word person, I have to read to be convinced.

Shortly after, another sister text me and then another...

Reality did not set in until much later. I could not focus on my work at all. The whole afternoon was trying to recollect myself and discussing with some sisters how we could help his family...

I still remember when I first knew him, he was one of the very few who made me feel welcomed.

Once we were in a gathering at a Pastor's house, and they were playing boardgames. I was standing there alone, not knowing many people & he called me to join the group. Another time I was just standing there after service and he invited me to join the rest for dinner. There was once we had a YA game session and he took good care of me, asked me to follow his car.

There were several occasions he helped me when I needed help by just a call away. In the midst of his busyness, he would spare time for his friends. Once, my Eagle could not start and I was around his housing area, so I called him for help; instead of staying in the comfort of his own home, he came to my rescue.

He gave sound advice and cared from his heart. He told me he cared about my happiness and usually many would say this but would not act on it. He was different, he actually acted on it by introducing someone to me. 

Always cheerful, always jovial, always positive....I could not understand but to ask God, why?

"Alice...Alice..."; his voice ringing in my ears :(

We last met in January at a stall nearby my office, having red wine chicken for lunch; and he bought me lunch that day because my birthday was coming soon. 

His birthday is next month and it would be my turn to buy him a meal but.... :(

We last contacted each other two days ago because I asked him something about my policy. He had always been a helpful agent and would go the extra mile to assist.

My dear brother, you will be deeply missed :(

The Door [II]

https://www.facebook.com/notes/alice-weng-yin-chan/the-door/10150799477055198?__mref=message_bubble

http://aliceyin.blogspot.my/2011/09/door.html

When I typed on "The Door" back in 2011, I never thought that there would be a sequel on this topic.

Have you ever experienced someone dear to you, built up a high wall, disconnecting himself or herself from you, ignoring all your efforts to stay in touch for one whole month?

Ghosting, is emotional cruelty. Yes, I agree!

I did not expect myself to knock on another door and certainly did not expect myself to share about this topic again. 

Knock Knock! Knock Knock!

After three weeks of knocking, finally there was a reply from the other side of the wall, saying,

"Leave me alone"

Perhaps the person at the other end needs some space, personal space; to think things through. Perhap, perhaps, perhaps...

I could make as many reasons as I want for the other person's behalf. By the fourth week, I am amazed by few things:

Firstly, the other person's ignorance and indifference. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

Secondly, by my own determination and perseverance.

Would you give up knocking when there is zero response from the other side?

How could a person carry on with life by hurting and sacrificing someone who deemed to be dear to him or her? In other words, at the expense of someone else's fragile heart.

Once I saw a quote that sounds like this, "it is not that one changes, just that the mask falls off". Perhaps, that is the true colour of the person at the other end.

Question to myself:

Do I still keep knocking?

Do I still care? Of course I do still care. We care even in anger.

Is it worth my time and effort to care for someone who seems so heartless?

I still want to believe that we still care for each other, that we could still sail together, but am I trying too hard?

Knock Knock! Knock Knock!

I could not even hear an echo...

When someone treats you like nobody, wake up, and do not melt for that person anymore. Olaf says, "some people are worth melting for"; I guess even if I melt myself to the last bit, that person at the other end would not be able to notice, because there is nothing left to be seen; every bit and pieces of me has melted, there is nothing to be melted anymore...

And the person at the other end, continues to be indifference and ignorant; the only difference is, Olaf is not able to feel the pain and hurt because it has melted...

The One Word That Can Kill a Friendship

... and three friendship-preserving alternatives.

Kira Asatryan

The Art of Closeness

There’s this word that you probably useall the time. It’s a seemingly harmless word—close to meaningless, really—but it’s slowly, subversively tainting your relationships.

Look back over any recent texts and emails you’ve sent to friends. If they look something like this, you’re caught in this word's trap:

“I’d love to hang out! But I’m really busy.”

“Sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier! I’ve been so busy.”

“What’s going on with me? Just busy as usual!”

You guessed it. The single-word saboteur is busy. It’s stealthily driving your friends away, and it’s time to eliminate it from your social vocabulary.

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with actually being busy: People can certainly have many obligations and still maintain great relationships. And it’s not being busy that drives people away; it’s the word itself.

Let’s discuss the top three reasons it’s time to be done with “busy”… and three ways to replace it with something better.

1. Everyone is Busy.

These days, saying you’re busy is basically like saying you’re alive. Being busy may once have been an indicator of importance; it may once have implied that many people and projects relied on you. Now, it’s a filler word that can be applied to any situation: You could be 10 years into your job and be “busy.” You could be between jobs and be “busy.” You could be vacationing and be “busy.” The word itself no longer relates to any specific, making it basically meaningless—and meaningless language is a problem for relationships because it doesn’t help other people understand what, specifically, you’re going through. It actually impedes mutual understanding.

2. It’s Open to (Negative) Interpretation.

The vague nature of “I’m really busy” leaves the real reason why you’re being unavailable to a friend open to interpretation. While many people will accept “being busy” as enough of a reason for not hanging out the first few times you use it, eventually friends will see it as a veil over a more sinister reason for staying away: Maybe you don’t like them anymore and are too afraid to say it.

In other words, “busy” allows others to fill in the blank of your true intentions. Often, they will fill that blank with a negative assumption. In a worst-case scenario, friends may feel like your "busy” is a way of blowing them off without having to state a reason for doing so.

3. It’s a “Not Right Now.”

Often, “busy” simply means that you have higher priorities right now than seeing friends—which is totally fine. You may be caring for a child or launching a new product; there are lots of legitimate reasons why friendships fall down one’s list of priorities. The issue is that “ being busy” doesn’t communicate any of that. In a previous post, 5 Phrases That Can Kill a Relationship, I wrote that the phrase “not right now” is a relationship killer because it fosters a feeling of rejection. “Busy” is the friendship equivalent of “not right now.” It lacks a sense of caring about the other person and fosters distance as a result.

3 Better Options

All that being said, just because “busy” is not a word that generates closeness, that doesn’t mean you can’t communicate the same thing in a way that does. Here are some tips for telling your friends you just can’t right now, without hurting their feelings:

1. Be Specific.

There’s an easy way to eliminate the vagueness of “busy” and that’s telling friends specifically what you’re busy doing. Of course, this takes more of your time and effort—something that can be challenging when you’re already really swamped. But it’s worth doing because the difference in how the message is received is significant.

Let’s say you invite a friend to your birthday party and she writes back: “I’d love to but I’m really busy!” But what if she had written: “I’d love to but Jack has a karate competition that evening and he specifically asked me to watch him this time. Have some champagne for me, though!”

Feel the difference? The second message explains your friend’s reasoning, gives context, and communicates that she’s still invested in your happiness. The first message, frankly, is a blow-off.

2. Set a Time Frame.

If you’re busy because of an especially difficult crunch time either at work or at home, it’s helpful to make your friends aware of just how long this “busy” time will last. For example, if you know your project will wrap up in a month and your schedule will open up soon after, communicate your desire to reconnect with everyone then. Even if that month turns into two, your friends will appreciate that you expressed the desire to be together again as soon as possible.

3. Determine if You Need to Have a Difficult Conversation.

And now, it’s time to confront the dark side of “busy.” As we all know, “being busy” can be a method by which we disengage from a relationship we no longer want to have. The kids call it “ghosting"—distancing yourself from a relationship without ever explaining why. If you’re using “busy” in this way, it’s worth determining if you need to have that difficult conversation with the person you’re ghosting. While it’s always uncomfortable to “break up” with a friend, some friendships deserve this attention. In some cases, it’ll cause great sadness to both parties to “busy” a friendship to death.

Looking Back...My Post on FB on 01-01-2013

2012: Upgrade & Breakthrough

1 January 2013 at 00:25

31st December, 2011

At this time, we, the Young Executive Group members were having our Thanksgiving & Watch Night Service at Swiss Garden Residences. We took turns to share how God had blessed us, and what God had done in our lives. We then shared about our resolution for year 2012; when it came my turn, I casually told my members that my resolution for year 2012 would be simple, just two (2) words: UPGRADE & BREAKTHROUGH! I guess, I must have thought that my life in 2011 was not challenging enough & little did I know, I was going to go through surprises in year 2012!

31st December, 2012

Whilst most of my family-in-Christ are in Church, waiting to count down to 2013, I am at home alone, watching DVD while having my dinner, & now, counting my blessings for what God had done in my life this year. I would say, this is a year of Grace. I experienced God in a manner that I have least expected. 

Let's talk about Upgrade ~

I enrolled myself in three (3) Royal Priesthood Bible College's Courses:

- Counselling Theories & Practices

- Dynamics of the Holy Spirit

- Basic Christian Counselling

I have also completed the three (3) modules of Ps Julius Suubi's Prayer Seminar.

I have attended "Living In the Power of the Holy Spirit" Conference in May.

I attended the Young Adults' Camp in October: "Our Journey, God's Glory"

I have attended the Harp & Bowl Conference in end October: 24 hours of Pray & Worship

I have joined three (3) marathons this year, from 8km, to 10km and finally, 12km.

How about Breakthrough?

When we were younger, we learned to crawl, then we learned to stand, then we learned to walk and finally we learned to run. In the process, we fell, but we never gave up learning; we got up & we tried again & again until we got it right.

As we grow up, we would need to go through the same stages as well; whether we are at kindergarten, school, college, university, office & the community, we all learned things step by step & finally knowing how to do it right.

2012, had been a challenging year for me. I thank God for everything & most of all, for the peace & assurance that He had given me throughout these 12 months. If it weren't for Him, I think I would not be where I am today. The challenges that I faced, the trials that I went through ~ all these will be remembered & would be sufficient to remind me how great is our God.

Ecclesiastes 3

New International Version (NIV)

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Yes, there is a time for everything. I would like to take this opportunity to thank:

- my dear sister, Swee Zhi, for being there for me, at all times; I really appreciate her kindness & hospitality despite her busy schedule when I borrowed her place in Singapore

- my dear sister, Amy, for being there for me, to support me & encourage me with her love &; patience

- my dear sister, Poi Yee, for inviting me over to her place for dinner & spend time listening to me

- my dear sister, Cerlyn, for offering me with her rational advices when my heart took over my brain

- my dear sister, Su Ti, for offering her care & advices when I approached her

- my dear sister, Alicia, for being supportive & never gets bored with my long winded story

- my dear sister, Cecilia, for your prayers & encouragements

- my dear sister, Yin Yin, for making me comfortable when being with her

- my dear sister, Hui Min, for being patient to listen & wise in giving opinions

- my dear friends, Sim Yee, Bee Ling & Wai Fong, for being my friends since we were in college

- my dear friend, Wendy, for encouraging me to join marathons & being there for me to support & encourage me

- my dear friend, Nancy, for showering me with her motherly love

- my dear sister, Kuen, for sharing with me her testimony, which gave me encouragements to grow in faith

- my dear sister, Kit, for her Godly advices

- my dear mentor, Mrs Ho, for clearing the weeds in my visions

- my dear sister, Rachael, for showering me with her love

- my "bicara hati kaki", Diana, for offering me your listening ear

- my dear friends, Gerri & Lenni, for your friendship all these years

- my lunch buddies, Sandy, Erin & Poh Wah, for being there for me

- my dear sister, Alyssa, thank you so much for everything, I truly appeciate it from the bottom of my heart

- my fellow members in Young Executive Group, for your prayers & supports

- my fellow members in Connexions, for welcoming me to the big family

- my fellow members in YA, thank you for everything!

2013 is finally here!

Philippians 3:13

New International Version (NIV)

13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 

Dear All,

I may not have mentioned your names but I am glad to know each & everyone of you. I am blessed to have YOU in 2012! May 2013 be a year of blessing to all of us.

Wishing you a Blessed New Year 2013!!!

My resolution for year 2013: FOCUS, FAITH & PERSEVERANCE =)

Looking forward to another exciting year ^ ^

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CommentShare

• Tey Pei Wern, Alicia KhaiYee, Lee Yin Yin and 13 others like this.
• 

  Cecilia Grace It is indeed touching and encouraging!! Well done sis, keep up the hope and fight the good fight of faith!!!

  1 January at 00:36 · Unlike · 1
• 

  Alice Weng Yin Chan you too, sis...2013 shall be a year of joy, year of blessing 

  1 January at 00:42 · Like · 1
• 

  Alice Weng Yin Chan Steve Peter Kok, thanks for your prayers & encouragements throughout year 2012. I really appreciate it! may God continue to use you & God bless 

  1 January at 00:44 · Like · 1
• 

  Dellynn Lim My church night watch service message is entitled ..BREAKTHROUGH! Praise the lord!

  1 January at 00:57 via mobile · Unlike · 1
• 

  Alice Weng Yin Chan Karen Ng, thanks for the catching up sessions that we had & for your prayers 

  1 January at 01:12 via mobile · Like
• 

  Wai Yip Thanks for sharing Alice,everyday,in fact every moment being with Christ is excited. We may not know where is He leading to,but we can fully rely on His guidance,may you have another year full of blessings,and may you fullfill your resolution for year 2013.

  1 January at 01:56 via mobile · Unlike · 2
• 

  Alice Weng Yin Chan Thanks Wai Yip! May God bless you abundantly in your life & you'll continue to shine for Christ 

  1 January at 07:55 via mobile · Like
• 

  Wai Peng Low hi! wising you a wonderful year ahead. more love filled days and goals to reach 

  1 January at 18:44 · Unlike · 1
• 

  Alice Weng Yin Chan thanks Wai Peng, may God bless you too 

  1 January at 23:04 · Like · 1
• 

  Sook Mui · Friends with Jocelyn HuOy and 20 others
  

  Looks like you had a fruitful 2012. May your 2013 be as fruitful, as blessed.

  2 January at 19:12 via mobile · Unlike · 1
• 

  Sook Mui · Friends with Jocelyn HuOy and 20 others
  

  Looks like you had a fruitful 2012. May your 2013 be as fruitful, as blessed.

  2 January at 19:12 via mobile · Unlike · 1
• 

  Alice Weng Yin Chan thanks Mrs Ho 
  from the realistic point of view, 2012 is far from fruitful but from another point of view, God's grace is sufficient for us, it's indeed a year of Grace 
  wishing you & family a blessed 2013 too ^ ^

  2 January at 22:15 · Like
• 

  Lee Yin Yin sis, m happy that you saw God's hand throughout everything..I'm glad that you walked out triumphant knowing that God is with you in everything that you do and as you walk closer with Him, He will reveal greater things to you! God bless you abundantly! 

  2 January at 23:08 · Unlike · 2
• 

  Alice Weng Yin Chan Thanks Sis Lee Yin Yin  wishing you & Por Vin a blessed 2013 ^ ^

  3 January at 09:50 · Like
• 

  Lee Yin Yin u too! 

  3 January at 12:32 · Unlike · 1
• 

  Steven Nyu : Alice n YinYin, didn't know u r friends. Cheers to that!!!!!

  7 January at 11:18 · Unlike · 2
• 

  Alice Weng Yin Chan haha, yes, small world!! we're both in the same Church now ~ FGA KL 

  7 January at 11:20 · Like · 1