Tuesday, 22 December 2015

My Name

I have always been proud of my name: Chan Weng Yin, Alice.

My surname is Chan (陈), & I am a Guangxi. My Chinese name is Weng Yin (永颖) (Mandarin: Yong Ying; Cantonese: Weng Weng), Weng (永) means "forever" & Yin (颖) means "clever/gifted". 

I thank my parents for giving me such a great and beautiful name. My English name, Alice, is not registered in my Identity Card, and is given by my brother, it means noble/truthful. 

I still love it when people call me by my Chinese name, be it in English or in Chinese.Nowadays people call me Alice more often, simply because it's easier to pronounce. 

Alice 也好, 永颖也好, Weng Yin 也好, I am still me ~ Alice Weng Yin Chan


Monday, 21 December 2015

I did it :)


Firstly, to thank my jogging & marathon kaki for encouraging & supporting me all along, especially Wan Theng, Zihao & Rachel Chong :)

My aim last year was to collect 10 medals in total after realising that I've collected 6 thus far back then & this year, I aimed to collect 10 medals in a year. I was not sure if this was crazy nor was I sure if I could achieve it & now I'm happy to shout out that "I did it! " :)

Running had indeed changed my life! I'm healthier & it helps me to release stress (imagine stomping your feet on whatever that caused the stress in you) & it also helps to clear my mind (being few hours on the road, with close to zero distraction is a good way to clear the cobwebs in mind).

20 medals over a span of 3.5 years since June 2012:)


Description from top left:

Year 2012 - 30km
TM Fan Run - 8km
BSN Night Run - 10km
Newton Challenge - 12km

Year 2013 - 57km
Brooks Marathon - 21km
SCKLM - 21km
Newton Challenge - 15km

Year 2014 - 78km
SCKLM - 21km
PBIM - 21km
New Balance - 21km
Newton Challenge - 15km

Year 2015 - 160.2km
100 Plus Run - 12km
Malaysia Women Marathon - 21km
Shape Night Run - 11. 2km
3R International Marathon - 21km
Sg Long Fun Run - 10km
ASEAN Unity Run - 21km
PJ Half Marathon - 21km
Lion Charity Run - 12km
NB Home Run - 16km
Newton Challenge - 15km

Total distance - 325.2km

Total Half Marathon - 9

This year, due to haze, I missed SCKLM & BSN Night Run & due to the condition of my knee, I forgo PBIM (full marathon).

I wish I'll be able to complete one full marathon to qualify myself to be called a marathoner :)

P.S. Photo is blur, paiseh :p


Friday, 4 December 2015

Why Ghosting Hurts So Much

... and why it says nothing about your worthiness for love.

The opposite of love isn’t hate; it is indifference. Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating, disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a text. Ghosting isn’t new—people have long done disappearing acts—but years ago this kind of behavior was considered limited to a certain type of scoundrel. In today’s dating culture being ghosted is a phenomenon that approximately 50% of men and women have experienced—and an almost equal number have done the ghosting.1 Despite ghosting's commonality, the emotional effects can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who already have fragile self-esteem.

Why do people ghost?


People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel. The lack of social connections to people who are met online also means there are less social consequences to dropping out of someone’s life. The more it happens, either to themselves or their friends, the more people become desensitized to it and the more likely they are to do it to someone else.


“I didn't understand exactly how I actually felt at the time, so instead of trying to talk it out, I ghosted.” 2

“I used to disappear when it was all I thought it was [a fling], or I got scared of finding what I wanted…Or some kind of fear factor from a past relationship kicks in.” 2

“Looking through the lens of a coward, passive withdrawal from dating seems like the easiest and nicest route…until it’s done to you.” 3

“I kind of think that it's part of what makes the online dating scene so appealing. Since you don't have friends in common or weren't introduced through some other channel, it's not the end of the world if you just drop off the face of the earth.” 4

“I, for one, consider myself to be an honest and straightforward person. And yet I’ve ghosted...And I’ve told myself, time and time again, that it’s all the fault of the toxic dating culture we’ve created. And at the end of the day, I think that’s what we’re all telling ourselves.” 5

How does it feel to be ghosted?


For many people ghosting can result in feelings of being disrespected, used and disposable. If you have known the person beyond more than a few dates then it can be even more traumatic. When someone we love and trust disengages from us it feels like a very deep betrayal.

“I felt like an idiot. Like I had been played a fool. And more so I felt disrespected. Take the romantics away, to have a great connection with a new friend and then all of a sudden never hear from them again? That’s painful and really disappointing. No one deserves to be blown off.” 6

“It still felt a bit like someone had punched me in the gut when it happened. The disregard is insulting. The lack of closure is maddening. You move on, but not before your self-esteem takes a hit. The only thing worse than being broken up with is realizing that someone didn’t even consider you worth breaking up with.” 7

“Going from texting every day and seeing each other a couple times a week to nothing without the slightest hint of why was a kick in the gut.” 8

“Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture dating can serve up.” 9

Why does it feel so bad?


Social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain.10 In fact, you can reduce the emotional pain of rejection with a pain medication like Tylenol.11 But in addition to this biological link between rejection and pain, there are some specific factors about ghosting that contribute to the psychological distress.

Ghosting gives you no cue for how to react. It creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity. Should you be worried? What if they are hurt and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they are just a little busy and will be calling you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened. Staying connected to others is so important to our survival that our brain has evolved to have a social monitoring system (SMS) that monitors the environment for cues so that we know how to respond in social situations.12 Social cues allow us to regulate our own behavior accordingly, but ghosting deprives you of these usual cues and can create a sense of emotional dysregulation where you feel out of control.

One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low.13 If you have been through multiple ghostings or if your self-esteem is already low you are likely to experience the rejection as even more painful, and it may take you longer to get over it as people with lower-self-esteem have less natural opioid (pain-killer) released into the brain after a rejection when compared to those whose self-esteem is higher.14

Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty.15 It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.

Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars.

How do you move forward?


The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don't understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him/her go peacefully.

Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. Know that if you are someone who treats people with respect and integrity then the ghoster simply wasn’t on your wavelength and someone better is coming your way, as long as you keep your heart open and your focus forward.



Thursday, 3 December 2015

No One is Ever Too Busy

No matter where we are, we have the same 24 hours, the same 1,440 minutes, and the same 86,400 seconds. In this era, who is not busy? All of us are busy about something at any time.

We are busy sleeping.
We are busy eating.
We are busy working.
We are busy driving.
We are busy listening to music.
We are busy watching movie or the television.
We are busy working out.
We are busy cooking.
The list, will never end...

When someone keeps telling you that he or she is busy even though all you wanted was just to say hi and to ask "how are you", to make sure that he or she knows that you care for him or her, we should be sensitive enough to get the hint that that person will forever be "busy" and would not have the time for you.

When we care for someone who is dear to us, no matter how busy we are, we will try to squeeze in some time to check on them, just a simple "good morning" would mean that we are thinking about him or her the minute we wake up. However, what if we just get a "busy" as reply? Oh well, might as well do not reply anything. Some people can just be too busy for everything except those things that are important to them, and having said that, this clearly shows what is important to them.

I have shared before an article that the word "busy" is a killer in relationship.

What do you think?


Wednesday, 2 December 2015

It Could be the Last

As days pass, while you are counting down your days to travel to overseas for your studies, maybe excitedly; I am counting down too, just sadly.

It could be the last time we celebrate our annniversary;
It could be the last time we celebrate thanksgiving together;
It could be the last time we celebrate Christmas;
It could be the last time we celebrate New Year;
It could be the last time we celebrate my birthday;
It could be the last time we celebrate Chinese New Year;
It could be the last time we celebrate Valentine's;
It could be the last time for many things...

That aside, perhaps it is only me who wanted to celebrate all of the above together with you. Elephy said it takes two to clap, I am not sure what it means, but I think it would mean that you must have the same desire too.

You did not visit baggies the past few weeks and I miss you. I wonder what are you doing outside. Are you busy making preparations for your trip? After all, surely there would be much to prepare. I suppose you are stressed out because you need to complete a lot of things before you move away from home.

I have been quiet too, going through all the emotions inside me. I have mixed feelings, but then again, what can I do? It is a fact and truth that you will be away for a period of time. This will not change. On the contrary, my relationship with you will change.

Elephy also said, the more one spends time together with the other, the more attached they are. Sigh, we have not been spending time together lately, does it mean that you are less attached to me?

Does it even matter for me to care so much, because I do not feel that you care as much as I do. It is a restless wait. I am tired, physically and emotionally.

Perhaps, humans are like that. They are different from us. We are bags, and we just have one owner, so we are emotionally attached to our owner; whereas our owner is different, Pinky has  friends, relatives, gadgets, and of course, many other bags.

Would we have the opportunity to spend time together, at least once, before you move away? Again, does it matter? After all, while I am expressing myself at this moment, I am already buried deep inside the box, and to take me out, would be a tedious task as Pinky has to remove all other boxes above me.

Sigh...Sigh...Sigh...

Perhaps, we would not even have our last...