A Single Woman's Guide to a Godly Man's Heart. (written from a male perspective)
Author: Duke Taber
Recently I read a quote and it just didn't sit right with me. As many of you know, I love quotes, and read a lot and gleam truths out of them. Well this one just bothered me. But I let it go. Then today, as I was praying for things that are daily prayers of mine, the Lord revealed to me why the quote bothered me. Here is the quote. "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her" ~Anonymous. Now on the surface that sounds great and quite spiritual doesn't it? However I believe it is unscriptural and I will show you why in a second. I believe that the quote has the wrong focus for a woman. It should read this way. "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that she needs to seek God in order to be given to a man" Do you see the difference?
Now I know that immediately, you ladies that are reading this are already reacting. We all have been trained that the man is supposed to woo, perform, win, the heart of the woman. However in Scripture that is not the model that is shown. Let's take a look at 4 examples of godly relationships in the scriptures that are well known and used. Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, and Boaz and Ruth.
Adam and Eve.
Gen 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Isaac and Rebekah
Gen 24:3 I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4 but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac." 5 The servant asked him, "What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?" 6 "Make sure that you do not take my son back there," Abraham said. 7 "The LORD, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father's household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, 'To your offspring I will give this land'-he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there. 8 If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there." 9 So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an oath to him concerning this matter. 10 Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and left, taking with him all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor. 11 He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water. 12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master." 15 Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah, who was the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor. 16 The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again. 17 The servant hurried to meet her and said, "Please give me a little water from your jar." 18 "Drink, my lord," she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink. 19 After she had given him a drink, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking." 20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels. 21 Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the LORD had made his journey successful. 22 When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels. 23 Then he asked, "Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?" 24 She answered him, "I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son that Milcah bore to Nahor." 25 And she added, "We have plenty of straw and fodder, as well as room for you to spend the night." 26 Then the man bowed down and worshiped the LORD, 27 saying, "Praise be to the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master. As for me, the LORD has led me on the journey to the house of my master's relatives." 28 The girl ran and told her mother's household about these things. 29 Now Rebekah had a brother named Laban, and he hurried out to the man at the spring. 30 As soon as he had seen the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister's arms, and had heard Rebekah tell what the man said to her, he went out to the man and found him standing by the camels near the spring. 31 "Come, you who are blessed by the LORD," he said. "Why are you standing out here? I have prepared the house and a place for the camels." 32 So the man went to the house, and the camels were unloaded. Straw and fodder were brought for the camels, and water for him and his men to wash their feet. 33 Then food was set before him, but he said, "I will not eat until I have told you what I have to say." "Then tell us," Laban said. 34 So he said, "I am Abraham's servant. 35 The LORD has blessed my master abundantly, and he has become wealthy. He has given him sheep and cattle, silver and gold, menservants and maidservants, and camels and donkeys. 36 My master's wife Sarah has borne him a son in her old age, and he has given him everything he owns. 37 And my master made me swear an oath, and said, 'You must not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I live, 38 but go to my father's family and to my own clan, and get a wife for my son.'
39 "Then I asked my master, 'What if the woman will not come back with me?' 40 "He replied, 'The LORD, before whom I have walked, will send his angel with you and make your journey a success, so that you can get a wife for my son from my own clan and from my father's family. 41 Then, when you go to my clan, you will be released from my oath even if they refuse to give her to you-you will be released from my oath.' 42 "When I came to the spring today, I said, 'O LORD, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come. 43 See, I am standing beside this spring; if a maiden comes out to draw water and I say to her, "Please let me drink a little water from your jar," 44 and if she says to me, "Drink, and I'll draw water for your camels too," let her be the one the LORD has chosen for my master's son.' 45 "Before I finished praying in my heart, Rebekah came out, with her jar on her shoulder. She went down to the spring and drew water, and I said to her, 'Please give me a drink.' 46 "She quickly lowered her jar from her shoulder and said, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too.' So I drank, and she watered the camels also. 47 "I asked her, 'Whose daughter are you?' "She said, 'The daughter of Bethuel son of Nahor, whom Milcah bore to him.'
"Then I put the ring in her nose and the bracelets on her arms, 48 and I bowed down and worshiped the LORD. I praised the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who had led me on the right road to get the granddaughter of my master's brother for his son. 49 Now if you will show kindness and faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, so I may know which way to turn." 50 Laban and Bethuel answered, "This is from the LORD; we can say nothing to you one way or the other. 51 Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master's son, as the LORD has directed." 52 When Abraham's servant heard what they said, he bowed down to the ground before the LORD. 53 Then the servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother. 54 Then he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night there. When they got up the next morning, he said, "Send me on my way to my master." 55 But her brother and her mother replied, "Let the girl remain with us ten days or so; then you may go." 56 But he said to them, "Do not detain me, now that the LORD has granted success to my journey. Send me on my way so I may go to my master." 57 Then they said, "Let's call the girl and ask her about it." 58 So they called Rebekah and asked her, "Will you go with this man?" "I will go," she said.
Jacob and Rachel
Gen 29:9 While he was still talking with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a shepherdess. 10 When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of Laban, his mother's brother, and Laban's sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle's sheep. 11 Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. 12 He had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah. So she ran and told her father. 13 As soon as Laban heard the news about Jacob, his sister's son, he hurried to meet him. He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there Jacob told him all these things. 14 Then Laban said to him, "You are my own flesh and blood." After Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month, 15 Laban said to him, "Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be." 16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. 18 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, "I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel." 19 Laban said, "It's better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me." 20 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her."
22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. 24 And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant. 25 When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why have you deceived me?" 26 Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. 27 Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work." 28 And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29 Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. 30 Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.
Ruth and Boaz
Ruth 3:1 One day Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, "My daughter, should I not try to find a home for you, where you will be well provided for? 2 Is not Boaz, with whose servant girls you have been, a kinsman of ours? Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. 3 Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don't let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. 4 When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do." 5 "I will do whatever you say," Ruth answered. 6 So she went down to the threshing floor and did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. 7 When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet. 9 "Who are you?" he asked. "I am your servant Ruth," she said. "Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer." 10 "The LORD bless you, my daughter," he replied. "This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. 11 And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character. 12 Although it is true that I am near of kin, there is a kinsman-redeemer nearer than I. 13 Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to redeem, good; let him redeem. But if he is not willing, as surely as the LORD lives I will do it. Lie here until morning." 14 So she lay at his feet until morning, but got up before anyone could be recognized; and he said, "Don't let it be known that a woman came to the threshing floor." 15 He also said, "Bring me the shawl you are wearing and hold it out." When she did so, he poured into it six measures of barley and put it on her. Then he went back to town.
Now did you pick up on what I picked up on? There are 3 principles at work in each situation. The woman was A. willing to be given. B. Showed a servant's heart, and C. was living the grace of submission.
Recently I was told the story of how a popular American preacher named Rod Parsley met and eventually chose his wife. Even though personally I am not a big fan of his ministry, I found that this story showed great wisdom. Rod was in the process of starting the mega church that he now pastors. He was the up and coming thing and had great attention being paid to him. As such, and is typical of all men who show leadership and success, he had many women trying to catch his attention. They would flirt and try to say the right things or catch his eye with their looks ect. He paid them no attention. However 1 woman followed the scriptural principles listed above. She was willing to be given to this man, so started to demonstrate a servant's heart and a submitted lifestyle. She would come over and just ask him what she could do to bless him, no strings attached. She would wash his car, take his suits to the cleaners, straighten his office, just whatever he needed her to do. She was not the most outwardly beautiful woman, but took care of herself to the best of her ability in modesty. Over time she caught the attention of Rod, and soon He saw that God had sent her to be by his side. He married the woman with the servant's heart and submissive lifestyle.
So let's look at that quote again. "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her" ~Anonymous
Notice that the woman thinks that a man needs to do something to find her? What was Adam doing? Sleeping! What was Isaak doing? Minding his own business while Abraham's servant found her! What was Jacob doing? Visiting relatives not seeking! And what was Boaz doing? Being a man of character and generosity, not seeking! When a woman buys into the idea that the man has to win, or woo, or do something to earn her affection, what she is actually doing is usurping control and authority from the man. No where in scripture do you find an admonition for a man to chase the woman. Nor for that matter for a woman to chase a man. There is a difference between chasing and presenting yourself as a submitted servant.
I would submit to you, that both sexes are engaging in worldly practices that is ultimately keeping a majority of us single. A man who chases, especially those that chase too hard, actually repel a godly woman. And a woman who expects a man to chase and woo her, repels a godly man. He knows he is the leader and as such is not interested in a fight for leadership. Lack of submission prior to marriage is a recipe for lack of submission after marriage.
So here are a few key things that I would suggest both to men and women as they are praying for God to give them favor with a mate in their life.
Make sure you are following biblical principles in regards to your particular sex. Do not be conformed to the world.
A godly man will pay attention to the actions of a woman over her physical appearance or right sounding words.
A godly man will work on being a servant leader, and will notice when a woman follows that leadership.
A godly man will not allow someone to take or usurp his God given authority. Thus he will be looking for a woman who says yes or gives a better idea rather than just say no.
A godly man will not be seeking God for a woman, but will be about his Father's business when he finds a woman. And when He does find a woman, He will know that He has obtained favor from the Lord for his faithfulness in doing it right.
I hope all of this has helped you.
