TRUST
Trust is probably the most important ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife. Trust is something that must be cultivated and nurtured.
We can sum up the essence of building trust in one idea: Create a safe emotional space for your spouse. If you are not actively working to build a safe emotional space, than you are probably building an unsafe one. If you are not actively working to build a safe emotional space, then you are probably building an unsafe one.
To promote trust is to consciously strive everyday to build a safe emotional space.
A couple of guidelines for creating a safe emotional space:
Constantly work on improving your communication skills.
Develop the skill of being a good listener, which is one of the hardest skills to develop.
Being a good listener means you don't interrupt your spouse. This requires great discipline and respect. Learn to ask, "Are you finished?" Always make sure you've fully understood what the other person has said.
A simple tool to use for this is the well known "mirroring technique." You reflect back what the other person has said. It may sound a bit contrived but, believe me, it really works. What you have to learn to do is say something like, "Let me make sure that I've understood what you just said. It sounded to me that you want me to..."
When a person feels he or she cannot express their needs to the other person, then this leads to a break down in trust.
We often don't express our needs for two reasons. Either we are afraid of rejection or we are afraid of feeling ashamed for having such needs.
When a couple can express and meet each other's needs consistently this is one of the most powerful ways to build trust in a relationship.
Trust is probably the most important ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife. Trust is something that must be cultivated and nurtured.
We can sum up the essence of building trust in one idea: Create a safe emotional space for your spouse. If you are not actively working to build a safe emotional space, than you are probably building an unsafe one. If you are not actively working to build a safe emotional space, then you are probably building an unsafe one.
To promote trust is to consciously strive everyday to build a safe emotional space.
A couple of guidelines for creating a safe emotional space:
Constantly work on improving your communication skills.
Develop the skill of being a good listener, which is one of the hardest skills to develop.
Being a good listener means you don't interrupt your spouse. This requires great discipline and respect. Learn to ask, "Are you finished?" Always make sure you've fully understood what the other person has said.
A simple tool to use for this is the well known "mirroring technique." You reflect back what the other person has said. It may sound a bit contrived but, believe me, it really works. What you have to learn to do is say something like, "Let me make sure that I've understood what you just said. It sounded to me that you want me to..."
When a person feels he or she cannot express their needs to the other person, then this leads to a break down in trust.
We often don't express our needs for two reasons. Either we are afraid of rejection or we are afraid of feeling ashamed for having such needs.
When a couple can express and meet each other's needs consistently this is one of the most powerful ways to build trust in a relationship.
