How Do You Know When You Love Someone?

BY JOHN KIM

JULY 6, 2012 3:00 PM EDT

I used to believe that love was a light switch. Something flicks on. You get an overwhelming sensation. It hits you like a bag of bricks. Or a strong arrow. When you know, you know. Right? Not so much. After 38 years and an expired marriage, I don’t see love that way anymore. I’ve placed Cupid right next to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

Love is a series of choices. The first choice is based on many many factors, including chemistry, principles, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want/need… the list goes on and on, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the individual. Based on these factors, we either choose to begin the process to love or not. If we decide to enter this process, the action of loving can bring “light switch” moments. The way he looks at you. How hard she makes you laugh. The notes he hides in your purse. The way she makes you feel when you don’t feel anything.

But like an airplane flight, there is turbulence. The fights. The disagreements. The little things that bother you. His socks. Her shopping. You start wondering if you’ve made the right choice. Once you are in doubt, you have to make another choice: to continue to fly with this person or jump out of the plane. This choice is based on a thousand other factors, again depending on the individual and where they are in their journey. If you decide to jump, the scary free fall will either make you stronger (grow) or miserable (depressed). But sooner or later, you’ll find yourself back at the airport waiting to board another plane. Then you hit turbulence. Or maybe there is no turbulence. Maybe you’ve changed your mind about the destination. Either way, another choice. Fly or jump?

Love is making a choice every single day, to either love or not love. That’s it. It’s that simple. Either to continue the process or not. We fall in and out of love. Even in relationships, especially in relationships. This doesn’t mean we don’t love the person. It means we are left with a choice. There is a difference between feeling love for someone (caring about a person) and loving someone (choosing to love that person). You may have love for someone forever. But that doesn’t mean you choose to love that person forever. The choice to love is not a feeling; it is an action. That is why it is so difficult. It requires you to do something, and I’m not just talking about buying flowers. It might mean putting your wants aside. Also, like chemistry, the ability to love is not a constant. It is a variable. It fluctuates, depending on where you’re at in your life and what you’re struggling with. Sometimes it is easy to love. Sometimes it is extremely difficult. But at the end of the day, it’s always a choice.

Although love varies, it also deepens. This means the longer you stay on that flight and embark on the journey together, the more fruit the process with bare. Your investment pays off. Your choices become easier. You not only become stronger as a couple, but also as individuals, assuming the love process is healthy - which means you guys are both doing work. The choice to love creates opportunity to hit notes in life that you could never hit alone, and THIS is what makes your choice worth it.

So, how do you know if it’s love? That is not the question to ask. The question is: Do you choose to love this person or not? Right now. Not tomorrow. Today. Make a choice. Yes or no. If the answer is yes, love as hard as you can. Love with everything you’ve got (your capacity right now at this point in your life). If the answer is no, promise me one thing.

Let the fall make you stronger.

2013 in a Glance ~ February

Normally the month of February is associated with Chinese New Year.

So, what did I do in February 2013? I drove back to hometown together with my parents for the FIRST time. It was my first long distance drive and although I prefer to be passenger most of the time, it was quite an enjoyable journey :)

I still remember how my dad kept asking me to slow down (I was driving at 120km/h) and having to spend some quality time with my parents in the car was indeed priceless :)

Besides going back to hometown, the YA Ministry also organised a CNY party :)

Photo taken with Hui Min, Alvin & Linda

2013 in a Glance ~ January

2013 is going to end soon. I was compiling the photos for most of the significant moments in 2013 yesterday and then came across my friend's Note on what she had experienced in 2013; then I thought it would be a good idea for me to describe how my life was in 2013.

This year had been a challenging year. Initially I was just focusing on the challenges and obstacles that I faced throughout the past few months. As I glanced through my photos, I figured that God had been really good to me, for behind the challenges and obstacles, my 2013 had been a great year. It is a year of adventure, a year of new beginnings, and a year of breakthrough!

Let me start with what happened in 2013.

This was my status on 29th November 2012:

*grinning from ear to ear*

So...what can I say? No words can describe how awesome is He!! 

In order to make a booking, I had to renew my passport & today is my only free day. Leaving the last location at about 2.30pm, I expected myself to reach Jabatan Imigresen in Putrajaya at about 3.05pm. On my way, I was hoping that the counter is still open (if I remember correctly, they stop accepting applications from 3.00pm/3.30pm onwards).

Phew, simply parked my car at 3.10pm and quickly walked to Jabatan Imigresen & asked the guard where should l go; the guard just passed me a map & said, "pergi sini". Looking at my watch, it was already 3.15pm, by the time I reached the right place, it would be about 3.30pm. Hmm~

Map reading is alien to me, so I on my GPS & by the time I reached the place & parked my car, it was already 3.40pm. 

I was about to give up when I couldn't find a parking space at the right location; but I thought if I could get it partially done, it would be better than nothing. At least I could come and collect it tomorrow or other day.

First stop: to snap a photo. I asked the shopkeeper what time are they closing & he told me, "pukul 10 malam"; couldn't believe my ears, I asked again & he said, "mulai minggu ini tutup pukul 10 malam".

Wow, Praise the Lord! By 4.45pm, I got my new passport! Hallelujah!

So, what can I say? God is just too awesome!!! I thought this would discourage me but God is amazing, Amen! We just can't predict His works! Once again, all Glory to Jesus! 

*grinning from ear to ear*

I went to Bukit Doa, Surabaya to attend a Young Adults Conference together with a group of Sisters-in-Christ in January 2013. I was not prepared for this trip and had no idea what to expect for this trip. We went there from 22nd to 28th January 2013.

During the Conference, it was a great experience for all of us. We had to live in a dormitory with nine [9] of us being squeezed in that little room and had to take cold water for our shower in the cold weather. 

The sessions were awesome, especially their Praise and Worship sessions. We could witness for ourselves how thirsty and hungry the Indonesians are for the presence of God. I truly enjoyed each and every of the worship sessions.

On the message, because it was conveyed in Bahasa Indonesia, we had some difficulty in understanding some of the words but the messages shared by the speakers we awesome. We caught the fire and were in fire to spread it when we get back to Malaysia.

Photo taken with Rev Philip Mantofa, a godly man who fears no one but God!

Photo taken during the last night, we had our Social Night!

New friends!!! We have made friends with the Indonesians during our stay there and when we got back to Malaysia, we created a WhatsApp group to continue to share the fire :)

Family-in-Christ from Malaysia & Indonesia

28th January was my birthday. I was not feeling well and although I wished I could go out to walk around Surabaya with the others, my body was too weak that I had to stay at the hotel the whole day. As I was resting, both my room mates, Yin Yin and Linda came back from shopping. 

I could not really remember what exactly happened, but both of them went out and then the door bell rang.

Surprise!!

Make a Wish!

Who is the Birthday Girl?

When we went back to Malaysia, most of us fell sick, I had not been feeling well for almost a month but thank God for His healing and protection. Praise the Lord :)